Mind your manners: How to guide my children to handle various situations

A lot of my time goes in trying to figure out how to guide my children to handle various situations, and brainstorming with other parents on how we should brave this new world of boors and bullies. The things that children pick up on along with table etiquette and party manners, are the things we do wrong.

A fellow mum recently pointed out to me that she was rudely cut in line waiting to buy some school supplies. Turns out that the woman who cut her is the mother of the child who is constantly pushing or pulling other children in school. "Children do what their mothers do," she told me. And it got me thinking about what it is that adults do.

While I have discussed all kinds of etiquette in this column, what I have not discussed yet, is just basic manners. How to be polite so we don't hurt people unnecessarily and how to be pleasant so we don't end up raising a bunch of hooligans? Here are some basic rules to start with:

Don't comment on people's weight: Some people don't care; some think you care, but most just feel bad. If someone has put on weight, they already know. You pointing it out is not going to provide a Eureka moment. Even being told you've lost weight when you haven't is almost like saying, "You have not lost weight, but I'm going to tell you that you have, cause you clearly need to, and definitely must be trying at some level, and I want you to like me." Instead say, "You're looking good." Or if you want to point out that someone is not looking good, please just don't say anything.

Don't give styling tips: "Darling, you look lovely, but that colour is not really you." Or "Again in black? Why don't you wear colour!" Or "Your highlights are too blond!" Or "Your highlights are not blond enough" Or "You need to cut your hair…" You get the drift. Unless you're the person's mother, comment only when you've been asked for your opinion.

Don't talk about my friends to me: This is a big one in our city. Everyone says exactly what he / she (usually she) feels like about everyone they know. It can be on a what's app group, a lunch table or even at a meeting. Stop to consider if you're talking in front of someone who knows,/likes/adores the person you are talking about.

Don't be rude: We are increasingly impolite as a society. We are rude to staff, our children follow suit. We throw our weight around in department stores, at restaurants, at clubs. We have little patience and less tolerance. But a small amount of kindness will go a long way in making the world a little better.

Don't be inappropriate: Do not ask me about my personal issues in public. Don't think it is casual just because it is not your issue. Please maintain civility. Keep shining at your soirees, enjoy the tinkling of your social lives, but mind your manners, there are people watching and little ones learning.