Let’s go to bed

Have you ever wondered if our peers in the West actually have more fun in bed than we do? Forget getting steamy experiments, I am just talking about the little moments of intimacy that could actually add those beautiful notes to a relationship. You know, leisurely foreplay, pillow talk, talking dirty or simply enjoying each other’s company by reading your favourite books in the buff, cuddling up under the sheets doing nothing, or simply having breakfast in bed after morning sex. I think I have found the answer. And it is in the bed.

In most Indian households, the bed is the least important piece of furniture around. If you are in Mumbai or Delhi, and shacking up with your girlfriend or boyfriend, chances are you are mostly making out on a futon — a hideous but purely functional sofa-cum-bed — or a mattress. As you get older, and your priorities change with time and jobs, you invest in a bookshelf (oh we all love to show off), mood lights, bean bags, arm chairs and other stuff that will seem very inviting to your friends and colleagues. But a comfortable and strong bed is still not a priority.

In most Indian homes, there is no concept of a bedroom. Not exactly in the private, almost inviolable, sanctum sanctorum sense as in the West. In Mumbai it is a luxury. Those who were raised in joint families in one-room-kitchen apartments will tell you how newly married couples were gifted the privacy of the kitchen for a while until someone decided they have had enough fun and were kicked back to the common room. Those who do have one (bedroom that is), donate the bed to the greater common good – board games, studies, tea and snacks on old newspapers. By the time you are ready to hit the bed, it would have turned into a great chronicler of a day in the life of the family.

Given that our culture has no room for the concept of privacy (a bolted door in most households is an affront to the other family members), what chance does a humble bed have in a chaotic, bustling household?

So forget sensuous satin sheets and slipping into a negligee before sinking into a soft white bed. Forget spooning after making some serious sexy time at any time of the day or evening. The role playing and 50 shades of grey, blue or whatever is best had in a hotel room or best viewed on your laptop.

If you have graduated from sleeping on a mattress surrounded by cerebral books on art and cinema to a bed bought with your first bonus, well congratulations. My advise to you would be: Treat your bed that way you would want your partner to treat you. Give it the respect it deserves, the space it needs. Keep your affair with your bed a very private one and do not make it easily accessible to everyone. Because chances are, your precious moments of intimacy on your own bed may soon be a thing of the past.

(Scribbler, scribe, traveller — Chandrima Pal takes you through the sexual landscape of today)

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