As damaging as societal standards are for women, the standards for men are just as poisonous: From birth, men are discouraged from showing emotion, which is seen as a feminine attribute — boys don’t cry, right? Without a culturally-approved outlet for their feelings, this stifling of emotion has led generations of men to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms. For me, it was Hollywood and the glamour associated with it.

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As a five-year-old, I was encouraged to ride a bicycle, when all I wanted was to tune in to MTV and Channel V to catch the latest international music videos. Considering my dad was an all-star athlete in school, I had some pretty big shoes to fill. Being chubby didn’t help. Instead, I turned to books, elocution and music. While my dad was proud of my growing achievements, deep down I always knew I wasn’t the ‘ideal son’ — the kind who played sport (although I tried playing tennis, I failed miserably at it) or toyed around with GI Joe (believe me, I tried)!

As I grew more firm in my choices, patriarchal domination became more pronounced. “Why aren’t you taking up Commerce or Science? Humanities is for girls.” It got me thinking that I would probably have to fight patriarchy all my life. Was it a fight I would be ready for? Hell yeah!

It is unfair that men are expected to choose ‘socially acceptable’, ‘masculine’ or ‘stable’ careers. I wasn’t “man enough” if I chose entertainment journalism. In fact, a colleague once told me: “Why are you interested in gossip or entertainment? Politics is for you.”

How many of us men actually enjoy going to work every day? How many of us love what we do? We talk about gay men hiding in the closet, but what about those men who are afraid to choose the careers they want? Aren’t they stuck in a closet too?

Also, men don’t always have to look and dress in a certain way. If a guy loves shoes and doesn’t mind investing in it, the general consensus is that he must be gay. If he doesn’t want to bang a girl on the first date, then, “oh there’s something definitely wrong with him”. We don’t always have to be so calculative and ‘by the book’ when we speak our mind. Having long hair and wearing pink should be choices open to men, as much as they are to everyone else.

Being emotional and sensitive is looked down upon in men. If men had the freedom to, and would admit to, crying (and women admitted to masturbating?), we would probably live in a just society.

Men, we still have a long way to go, but if we work together, perhaps we will get to live in a world that doesn’t discourage men from choosing careers that speak to them.

(Barry Rodgers is a journalist, a self-proclaimed sex bomb, and is currently obsessed with the term ‘boujee trick’)

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