Act, but don't react

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction’ is possibly the best known of Newton’s three laws of motion, even among those who have never studied physics. They might actually be surprised to know that what has now become a popular adage has anything to do with either Newton or physics at all!

The reason this statement resonates with so many of us is simple. It's because we can feel in our lives the truth of what it articulates. Are we not constantly reacting to our outer and inner environment, our circumstances, and the people around us? When a spouse or friend does not meet our expectations, we immediately react with frustration. When a colleague challenges our perception of something or disagrees with us, we react with anger, even if we might not show it. And when our children do not do what we tell them to do, we react with disappointment and hurt.

Reactions are not always negative.

Loving words, praise, warmth and affection also inspire reactions within us, acting as mood elevators and making us feel good about ourselves. This cycle of action and reaction, which repeats several times during the course of a day, is so deeply ingrained in our behavioural patterns that most of the time we do not even recognise it for what it is. To get off this merry-go-round, the first step is to be able to spot each time we react, especially to something negative, or which arouses negative emotions within us. If criticism from the boss makes our blood boil, we must stop for a second and acknowledge it as such. We must be able to clearly recognise that, ‘I am angry because I was criticised’.

Linking reaction to its source action requires of us a conscious application of awareness.

Even if we cannot initially maintain such an awareness throughout the day, we can at least try and find it when we are feeling aggravated. There is always a split second between any action and our reaction, and this gives us a chance to activate our awareness. Doing this will require some practice but once we can find this gap in the fabric of time, it will become a valuable opportunity to stop and consider what we can do next. It makes available a choice — should I say or do whatever comes to me automatically (a reaction), or should I consider an appropriate response (an action)?

We can then actively choose a more reasoned response based on the values we cherish and perhaps wish to enact in our lives. To be kind, compassionate, considerate and loving no matter what requires this ‘split-second awareness’ that marks the distinction between a ‘reaction’ and a ‘response’. It enables us to do what the Dalai Lama points towards when he says, ‘Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.’

Swati Chopra writes on spirituality, mindfulness and contemplative practices.