Many parents find the ground beneath their feet give way when their child comes out to them. Once loving and accepting of all kinds of behaviours from their kids, the same parents now go into complete denial, exhibit extreme rage or sorrow at feeling 'cheated', and even disown the child. Their rebuff can stem from being homophobic, unaware about the diverse sexualities on the spectrum, or assuming that being queer is a disease or unnatural, or paranoia over log kya kahenge (what people will say)? They slip into the same closet their children emerged from.To help parents of queer individuals tide over their unacceptance is a Mumbai-based support group called Sweekar – The Rainbow Parents. It was formed in October 2016 when film director and founder of Kashish Mumbai International Queer Film Festival, Sridhar Rangayan, decided to donate Rs 1 lakh leftover from the Rs 20 lakh that crowdfunded his recent LGBTQAI release 'Evening Shadows'. At present, Sweekar has 44 parents from diverse backgrounds, including likes of Padma Iyer – mother to openly gay activist Harish Iyer, and who put up a matrimonial ad looking for a groom for her son in 2015, and renowned theatre person and filmmaker Chitra Palekar, mother to a lesbian daughter, who teaches at the University of Western Australia. At the 2018 Mumbai Pride, they were the loudest bunch sloganeering, Jo bhi hain achche hain, yeh humaare bacche hain; Jo bhi hain sachche hain, yeh humaare bacche hain (However they maybe, they are our kids and we love them). They actively participate in interviews, podcasts, short films and have been in talks with lawyers to form a think-tank to combat Section 377.Today, parents from California, Boston, Ahmedabad, Hyderabad, Pune and Delhi have contacted Sweekar to guide them into forming similar groups. It was also a glorifying moment last month at the eighth edition of Kashish in the warmth of the art deco wonder Liberty Cinema, when the group held an entire session on aims and personal journeys of parenting a queer child.Sweekar's Facebook page has a form that parents interested to join can fill up. At the meetings, first timers are enquired about how they've dealt with their child's coming out. Those unsure about the labels – gay, lesbian, transgender, etc. – and the respective pronouns their child has adopted, are given full clarity.Topics discussed at these meetings are reiterated on Sweekar's WhatsApp group. Instances include, updates on Section 377, quirky news about the queer community (for example, a quack who claimed that homosexuality is curable and found in boys who are spoilt by their mothers), gay pageant winners, their children's achievements, prep work for the next Pride March, etc. Decisions are results of friendly discussions, like arriving at the enunciable 'Sweekar', other tongue twisting alternatives – 'Svikruti' and 'Vatsalya'."One mother told us she hated her child's decision to transition. But when she saw us being so normal about it, she went home and apologised to her child," says Aruna Desai, one of Sweekar's first members. Back in 2007, she had to Google 'gay' when her son came out to her after two and a half hours of much crying. However, she readily accepted him, attributing her uncommon élan to the problem solving skills she's gained as an HR manager. "The relationship with my son was and will always remain very loving, irrespective of his sexuality."Before Sweekar, Padma counselled parents of queer individuals telephonically or with a group of parents, at the behest of son Harish. She and Aruna were regulars to the yearly parental acceptance meets by Gay Bombay and Humsafar Trust, but found that "these were attended by the same set of parents with no scope for any interaction outside the meet." So Sweekar's 'no-children-at-meetings' and a meeting once-in-three-months has been a "real booster" as the parents can rant and confide and about their children freely. She also found other parents harbouring the same fears as her. "I still fear what will happen to my son after I am gone'? Section 377 is not abolished, and my son, who goes all out to resolve issues – be it rescuing a trans person or a dog being hit – could get into trouble. I find solace in sharing my fears here, because my 'normal' friends won't understand," says the 60-year-old homemaker."At Sweekar, many are now on the same page with regard to being positively involved with our children," says English lit professor, Nilaxi Roy, 57, and mother to Koninika, advocacy manager at Humsafar. However, her husband, Subroto, whose first initiation to Sweekar was at Kashish, chose to stay in denial about his daughter's bisexuality for three years. Until she openly spoke about being in love with a girl at her lecture on sensitisation towards the LGBT community he was invited to, six months ago. "I didn't want to believe it. I felt, as parents, we didn't bring her up right." His first mind-opener was a visit to a counselor. "She [the counselor] told me that tomorrow I could myself finding a man handsome and erudite, and end up liking him." Meeting other parents at Kashish '18 further reconfirmed the fact that sexual orientation has no taboo.To ensure more participation, Sweekar will translate Humsafar's counselor manual English into 10 Indian languages for parents and psychologists to use.The ultimate goal of Sweekar is to get disbanded as group member and filmmaker Palekar words it, "One day there should be no Sweekar as every parent should be accepting of their children."

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