New Indian mothers find spouses to be added responsibility: Survey

After becoming a father, men may neglect their responsibilities as husbands, thereby becoming an additional burden on their wives, a survey has revealed.

Babygogo — a mobile parenting app for Indian mothers who are expecting or have children who are till three years of age — recently conducted a survey asking mothers on the app for their opinion on how responsible their partners are as a new parent. A whopping 71 per cent of the 950 users who took part in the survey agreed that their partners had turned into children themselves after having their baby. Some new mothers felt that while taking care of their kids, catering to their husbands often feels like having “two kids” at home. “Children grow up, but husbands don’t,” said a mother.

A massive 77 per cent of women were in favour of the opinion that husbands are an additional responsibility when their children are born. New mothers often give up thriving careers to raise children and in some instances, these women also take care of extended family members as well. So they might feel overwhelmed when their partner doesn’t contribute to what is rightfully his responsibility as well.

With women taking care of the household, all money-related matters often falls on the man’s shoulders. This includes paying for housing loans, daily amenities, education and additional requirements that might crop up. In today’s world, work-related stress is at an all-time high. Therefore, men sometimes are too exhausted to deal with any matters in the house after working the entire day.

“The major reason behind this is our society’s traditional thinking. We’re still stuck with ‘a woman would take care of the kids and her house only’ and ‘a man is the sole bread winner’ kind of mentality, which leads to the woman being overburdened after becoming a mother,” said Dr Rashmi Pandey, a psychologist at AlternaCare, a Delhi-based tele-consultation platform.

The imbalances in the lives of the two partners might well have drastic results. “Sometimes, the husband doesn’t understand his wife and her needs during this transition, which, sometimes, leads to the woman developing depression and anxiety,” said Dr Pandey.   

“It is a well-known fact among communities of India that men rarely shoulder responsibility in matters concerning their children. When hospital/vaccination visits are scheduled, it is common for the women to bring their little ones to the doctor’s office. Also, when a child is admitted to hospital, mothers are more commonly seen lying beside their ill toddlers,” said Dr Michelle Frank from the American Institute of Medicine at the University of Seychelles

“Even though the global workforce is seeing a large increase in women employees, it is the mother who is expected to take a leave of absence if an issue, be it health-related or school-related, pertaining to the child crops up. Bringing a child into the world is a decision taken by two people. Raising a child should also be seen as the responsibility of two people,” he said.