Review: The Tourist? More like The Pedestrian!

Film: The Tourist (U/A)
Director: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
Cast: Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, Steven Berkof, Paul Bettany
Rating: * 1/2

Mistaken identity? Check. Femme fatale? Check. European setting? Check. Bankable stars? Double check. Originality , entertainment value? Uh….

The mysterious Elise Clifton-Ward (Jolie), who is busy eluding Scotland Yard, encounters American tourist Frank Tupelo (Depp) on a train from Paris bound for Italy. Enchanted by her graces, Frank, an average Joe, gets entangled in risky business.

Frank, it turns out, bears an uncanny resemblance to Elise’s lover, the often-alluded-to but unseen criminal mastermind Alexander Pearce.

Besides the threat from shadowy law enforcers, the duo must steer clear of Reginald Shaw (Berkoff), a crime overlord and a man under whom Pearce had worked earlier and wronged, and who gains the intelligence that Pearce, ie Frank, is heading for Venice.

The Tourist is one film which doesn’t have a single thing to offer to the audience that other run-of-the-mill romantic thrillers haven’t already.

The scenes, most of which call for being watched through the fingers of a palm firmly plastered across one’s face, are either comically clichéd or totally ridiculously implausible.

Characters do things that verge on the absurd, sprout sheer gobbledygook of dialogue, and (unconvincingly) attempt to put across to their audience that their head-over-heals relationship has some credibility.

Mrs Jolie-Pitt’s glassy-eyed gauntness gives the word ‘irritating’ a whole new meaning. The less said about her 'English' accent, the better.

Johnny Depp’s acting and comic timing may be the film’s only redeeming point (apart from, perhaps, its mercifully short running time).

As a thriller, The Tourist is wanting in intrigue. With a plot that is less worthy of a TV movie, and relatively unremarkable cinematography and soundtrack, the film proves to be a potent sedative, if anything.