Movie: Great Grand MastiDirector: Indra KumarCast: Urvashi Rautela, Aftab Shivdasani, Vivek Oberoi, Riteish Deshmukh, Usha Nadkarni, Sanjay Mishra, Shreyas Talpade

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What's it about:

Short Version: Three horny city slickers looking to get some. One horny female ghost in deserted haveli, looking for a threesome. The most frigid relatives who are kabab mein haddis. A Midsummer Night's Dream-kinda conclusion. There, Mr. Shakespeare, I've said it. You can roll in your grave now.

Long version: Meet (Oberoi), Amar (Deshmukh) and Prem (Shivdasani) are having a dry spell for as long as they've been married and that means they're desperate, horny as hell and almost ways c**kblocked (pardon my French, but there's no kinder way of putting this) by pehelwan saala, Hitler saas and sexy saali respectively.

No respite in sight, they decide to milk an opportunity to score, when they assume that Amar's ancestral village has booby babes (assumption made after ogling at Amar's maid). They might as well be booby-trapped because what you see isn't always what you get. The village turns out to be deserted and filled with amorous old hags. Furthermore, they're headed to a haveli Amar has just inherited (which by the time they reach there, you've been told umpteen times, is haunted).

They chance (or pounce) upon Raagini (Rautela), who first plays along as a maid, but later reveals herself to be a ghost of the former owner's daughter, who died a virgin.

Spooked quickly enough, they decide to head back to wives and safety, only to be told that it's a Hotel California-kinda deal ('You can check out anytime, but you can never leave'). She must bed one of them and strike him dead, so they can be together forever ('in electric dreams'? Considering how many shocks she gives them, that might well be the case).

If you're still reading this, you might be a glutton for punishment, but I'm no masterchef of pain, so I'll leave it at this, if you're looking for a semblance of a story here, look no further from Masti (2004). GGM is nothing but a slightly updated version of that film.

What's hot:

The fact that this movie got made. The fact that a joke (make that a string of used, abused and tired jokes) passes off as a screenplay (by Madhur Sharma & Aakash Kaushik). The fact that Indra Kumar's convincing skills have got to be epic to have found so many financiers despite being a regurgitated Masti. The fact that someone like Shreyas Talpade makes this film slightly bearable. The fact that Usha Nadkarni and Sanjay Mishra do the heavy-lifting (in the sight gags and slapstick departments) effortlessly, despite no help from Sharma-Kaushik's khichdi of ideas. 

What's not:

That you're still going to laugh at some of the stupidest, lamest jokes ever to make it to screen. That you're going to wonder why you have such bad taste to have sat through around two hours of utter tripe without so much of a complaint (you bought it, now pay the price). That Aftab Shivdasani still has a career after never letting go of that hawas ka poojari expression of his. That Vivek Oberoi talks about upliftment of villages and the women there and treats them like sex objects in this film. That he has an insulting sideswept Justin Bieber hairdo that nobody wants to make fun of. That Riteish Deshmukh is in this film despite insisting he'd never do sex comedies. That you're going to compare it to Humshakals and like GGM better. That the more you think about it, the less inane this is going to sound.

What to do:

Strictly recommended viewing for people who want to get sledgehammered with silliness. Or just hammered by ham. You know you want it!

Ratings : *1/2