I am in a hotel room with two boys­­ —Riteish Deshmukh and Aftab Shivdasani. Expecting the third (Vivek Oberoi) to walk in any moment. When he does, ‘Better laid than never!’ says Riteish to VO who walks in an hour later. The agenda is a photoshoot and interview with the Grand Masti boys. To my utter shock, the trio is  willing to get under the covers of the cozy bed for pictures. But then they decide it will look too studied and instead pile on top of each other, much to the photographer’s delight. I try not to stare when Riteish (on the bottom) tells Aftab ‘Be careful! I can feel something poking me.’They ask if I had any particular kind of pictures in mind, I said, ‘Not really. I am open to suggestions…’ Aftab asks me suggestively in a sotto voce, ‘How open are you?’  Red-faced and squirming, I wish I could take my words back. The mood is set for one of the wildest and raunchiest interviews I have ever done (I leave behind my sense of decorum too)! The bonhomie between the three boys is sizzling!I start the interview with a disclaimer… ‘ have never asked such raunchy questions before to anybody so please excuse me…’Before I can complete my sentence the boys jump in… ‘We have our disclaimer too… We are not responsible for whatever we say! Kitna bhi bulalo humse humko koi problem nahi hai…’ They are ready for a no-holds barred interview and announce: ‘we don’t care about the tone of the paper, we will pretend it is not an interview for dna but DNGay!’ Over to the terrible trio...Sex is…Riteish (looking at the boys): ‘Gentlemen?’Aftab: (laughs) ‘not with a gentleman please.’ Sex? It is a release! Riteish: Sex is great!Vivek: Sex is awesome! (All three look at each other and burst out laughing)Comedy is…A: Timing.R: All about expressions.V: Being with Riteish and Aftab (both bang their hands on the table in agreement)Sex comedy is...A: (with a devilish expression on his face) Being with Riteish and Vivek.R: My forte! (straight-faced while the other two burst out laughing)V: Sitting next to the father of sex comedy… (points to Riteish) He’s the dadu (grandfather) of sex comedy! We call him Deep Dadu…A: Riteish is the father of the genre.V: Riteish, you know you have respect for being the pioneer…R: I think one day I will get the Dadasaheb Phalke Award for this… (Aftab and Vivek fall over laughing)V: Your award will be called Dadasaheb Phaad-ke Award…A: Please delete that!! (and the trio start laughing)Single guys have more fun. Agreed?A: Absolutely yaar. No question about it.R: Married is the new single.V: Headlines baby! Yay, bro Riteish, way to go!R: That’s what Karan Johar once told me.V: I disagree. (Aftab asks him ‘Really?’) Marriage is a lot of fun.R: Now you will get brownie points for this from your wife.When three guys get together it is called...A: It’s called…R: I never want to meet you alone Aftab!A: I will keep it safe and say it’s called Grand Masti.R: When three guys get together it’s called Grandphaad masti!V: It’s called Grand cheed phaad masti!R: (Poker-faced) We are not responsible for what Vivek is saying…(I butt in with my next question… ‘Okay this one’s really… Umm… Err… This goes into a really…’ Aftab says ‘Please complete your sentence. This goes into really what?’ All three boys are enjoying my discomfort)Who is the most randy among you three?V: It’s Aftab!A: It’s RiteishR: (nods his head wisely) It’s Aftab of course, without  a doubt. Lekin koi yeh toh batao ki randy ka matlab kya hota hai! At what age did you lose your virginity?A:  You can put the dots, hashtags, stars and crosses for me on this one.R:  I am still a virgin. (Both Vivek and Aftab roar with laughter)V: I can’t say. My mum might read this so blank... blank... blank…R: Yes and also your wife might read this! (both he and Aftab grin)R:  I think I deserve credit. I am the only one who answered it correctly.Is sex for the first time bad for the guy or the girl?A:  I think it’s pleasurable for both. It depends on person to person but ideally should be pleasurable to both.R:  I think both boy and girl have a thought bubble – “I will do it better next time!” (All laugh)V: I agree with Aftab. It should be pleasurable for both as long as it’s consensual.A:  And if it isn’t pleasurable then just change the partner. (The trio roar with laughter)What is the scariest sex story you have ever heard?A:  I pass this one and give it to Riteish.R:  I think any story that ends with “it wasn’t good!” — is scary!V: A girl once told me about this scary time she had with Aftab…R: What were you doing with Aftab’s ex?V: Sipping coffee! At what age did you see your first porn film?A:  I was in my 9th or 10th standard and watching it with a friend when his mom walked into the room and though she didn’t beat us up, we both got a shouting and we ran away from there.Me: Did that stop you from watching more porn films?A:   Not at all! R:  I saw it when Aftab was in 9th standard. (Vivek and Aftab laugh loudly)V: So now you know who Aftab’s friend was? I watched my first porn film in boarding school in the 10th standard. It was to be a movie night and turned out to be a different kind of movie.R:  It was a movie night that became “Wow what a movie!”V: (seriously) It was part of the educational program.Would you consider doing a nude film in the film?A:  I will start working out right now.R:  We are morally naked in Grand Masti.A:  Yes, as naked as we can be with clothes on…V: We are morally and emotionally naked in the film (all three laugh)Which guy…A:   Before you start I want to say, I don’t want any guy…Me: Which guy has the best body to boldly go bare on screen?A: John Abraham. He did one for Dostana. He can carry it off very well.R: I heard he actually did a naked scene and they digitally put the yellow trunks on him (says with a straight face while the other two roll over with laughter).V: Not an area of mine. I am not interested…R:  Chal jhoothe (liar)! Bol bhi de! It’s not like we will think you are interested in the guy but who has a great body…V: I don’t think about things like, ‘Oh, that guy looks so good naked.’  I am a little surprised that you both do.A:  We appreciate art (Straight-faced). Which guy should not ever attempt to strip?A:   Me.R: Aftab.V: Aftab. (All three laugh uproariously)Does the topic of sex make you uncomfortable?A:  Not at all. I think it should be discussed openly to create awareness about it and the more you know the more you will understand it.R:  (Very seriously) Yes, it does make me uncomfortable. Every time they ask me to do something that is slightly sexual on screen it makes me uncomfortable. Otherwise… I am very comfortable! (more laughter)V: Sex should not be an open and close case but should be a get-close-and-open case.A:  Waah! Mr Einstein kya baat hai! (he and Ritiesh clap) What is the naughtiest thing you have done in bed?A:  I have done some crazy stuff but I don’t want to say to say it in print as it’s toooooo personal… (grins)R:  In bed never. Otherwise, yes I have.V: Involved a lot of knots…Riteish: Yes, he tied the girl into knots!What is the weirdest place to have sex in?A:  A car?V: Why is that weird? We all have done it at some time…A:  Okay, I didn’t say that (laughs).R:  In dono ke toh carnaame sun ke lagta hai ki bol rahe hai toh sach hoga.. Mujhe yeh sab pata nahi!V: Tu toh aise bol raha hai jaise college mein kabhi yeh carnaamein nahi kiya?R:  College mein mein gaadi nahi haathgaadi mein jaata tha…V: For me the weirdest place would be a public place…R (sternly): Azad Maidan ka yeh matlab nahi ke tum bilkul hi azaad ho jaayo! (Vivek bursts into laughter)One celebrity you will always lust for?A:  Charlize Theron. I have always thought she is one of the most beautiful women in the world.R:  Angelina Jolie in a choli.V: Angelina Jolie…R:  … Angelina Jolie without a choli? (All three laugh. Aftab reminds me of their disclaimer)Name a porn starA:  You have three sitting here… And the award goes to…V: Deep Daddoo! (Pointing to Riteish)A:  Deep Daddoo is his on-screen name.V: India’s answer to Deep Throat is Deep Daddoo, the Porn Star.A:  I love that.Me: I am seeing a different side to Riteish…A:  You will see all sides of him in the film! (Laughs)V: Unfortunately we have seen too many sides of Riteish and backs and fronts of Riteish.R (clearing his throat): What does a porn star mean? Is there something called a porn star? I don’t know…Vivek and Aftab start singing: Kya super cool hain humlog…Have your skills in bed ever been criticized?A:  Thankfully no.R (straight-face): I do my bed sheets well.V: Proudly no. (Riteish and Aftab start singing loudly Jhooth bole kauwwa kaate while Vivek laughs sportingly.)Have you ever had a sexual experience with a member of the same sex?A: On a serious note – no!R:  Mazaak mazaak mein bol de na…A:  I am absolutely straight – like these two! (laughs)V: Nahiiiin! (Riteish and Aftab start singing loudly Jhooth bole kauwwa kaate)Have you ever been complimented on your bedroom abilities?A:  Yes, i have been told, ‘Can we go ahead and do it again?’ (then asks some girls standing close-by if they are over 18.)R:  I don’t believe in compliments.V: Yes, I have been complimented. It had no words in it… Just a collection of sounds. (All three laugh)R:  (sarcastically) Collection of sounds huh… mera Beethoven?Have you ever had a threesome?A:  Yes, We only have been having a threesome with each other for the past 10 months.R:  That answers for all of us together.V: We are the awesome threesome!A survey says that a guy fantacizes about a women every three seconds. True?A:  No. It’s not true.R:  Make it two!V: Make it two women every three seconds! (all cackle)Does size matter?A:  Yes, of course it matters.R:  I guess so.V:  If you got it, flaunt it. (Riteish and Aftab start singing  Jhooth bole kauwwa kaate)What is the most whacky thing you have done with a male buddy?R:  I have whacked Aftab. (starts hitting Aftab)A:  Like I said watching my first adult film with a male friend. I wouldn’t like to watch it with a male friend now… I don’t watch porn films any case now… (Riteish and Vivek start singing loudly Jhooth bole kauwwa kaate kaate)R:  I am  a very simple guy…A: On Holi…V: The whackiest thing I have done is with these two guys ya… hanging out almost naked, stuck to a ceiling for two days, for the shooting of Grand Masti. There was too much testosterone.R:  I leave it to the readers imagination.V: You mean the readers of DNGay (dna)?  And last but not the least what’s your roles in Grand Masti?A: I am a frustrated banker…R: Yes he’s a frustrated banger!V: No Aftab is a Banker with a K and not GR:  Aftab, how you wished it was with G, no?R:  I am a frustrated gynecologistA:  Gynecologist with a G.V: I am a frustrated... I-don’t-know-what! I think the writer still has to define my profession for me. (Laughs)PS: As I wind up my interview Aftab asks me if that’s all I got? They have a special request… Aftab says to let him know when this interview is coming out so he won’t get the paper at home that day while Riteish and Vivek say they will have to run away from Mumbai!

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