Truth is stranger than fiction... writes Sajid Khan

Before I tell you how and why, let me just say that this is the first time I am writing a column. I mean I did write 'on' a column, but it was inside a Roman arena and I was arrested for defacing national property. So the truth is, technically, I have been a columnist before, but the fact is when in Rome, just roam… and don't touch anything, especially the columns.

Don't tweet, just text
I am not (yet) on Facebook, Twitter or any other social networking site. My friend Chunky Pandey told me how his life changed after joining Twitter and that he had 350 followers. Till someone told him that there is a fake Chunky Pandey on Twitter with 3,500 followers… So the truth is the real Chunky shouldn't be on Twitter, but the fact is that he could, instead of tweeting to those 350 followers, just text them! So let's begin!

Only us?
Did you know that the national anthem in cinemas is played only in select states in India? Does it mean that only the people in the states where it is played are true desh bhakts? I've also always wondered why is it that the national anthem is played only in cinemas but not in plays, live events, clubs etc.? Why can't this be made a national rule to be played in all cinemas across the country?

For example, does it only have to play in Maharashtra when it doesn't in other parts of India? And does it mean that wherever it doesn't play, people are less patriotic? Phew... That's a whole lot of questions. The answers lie with the powers that be. I, for myself, have seen people stand up while talking to their disgruntled wives; a few of them meddling with their mobiles while still trying to pay attention; some even taking a bite of their A-1 samosas. The point is - is the national anthem a proof of us being better Indians just before we watch a film?

I wish I could just say I rest my case, but the truth is, I still haven't been able to track it from Air India's lost-and-found department!

Let's up the anti
I don't know about you, but I get extremely pissed off when, before a film starts, the anti-smoking clip is played. Don't get me wrong – I am not referring to the outstanding and award-winning performances by the lead actors in that clip. Nor am I pro-smoking, but according to the World Health Organization report of 2014, more people across the globe died of obesity leading to heart failure than lung cancer. So shouldn't there also be anti-cheese, anti-sugar, anti-cooking oil and anti-butter clips played before the actual film? But then, by the time these would get over, it would be interval and you could go out and feast over some rich, sugary caramel popcorn!

Well, the truth is that going to the movies is not as entertaining as it used to be, but the fact is that entertainment (tax) has truly become the government's business!