Celebrity Column | Thoughts, writes Ayushmann Khurrana

This spring should never end, but it’s ending. Shooting in the Capital City, the temperature rose to 24 degrees from a slightly nippy 19 degrees at 7 am in the morning. That’s what I do before giving the first shot of the day. I check the temperature.

And my thoughts depend on the weather every single time. I’m haughty when it’s hot. And I’m naughty when it’s not. My co-actor Bhumi Pednekar is very anti-heat, because of this sudden weather metamorphosis in Delhi. Maybe, she was also anti-cold while shooting for a quirky film called Toilet in the peak of winters in Govardhan in UP. Can’t blame  her as she’s a Mumbai girl. She’s killing it, nevertheless.

But generally, our thoughts are directly proportional to the weather. My thought process oscillates from becoming nostalgic in autumn and wanting to fall in love in spring. Your thoughts can make you horny at a place of worship or spiritual at a strip club. They have that inane power.

Gimme the power to read your mind. I want to get inside the mind of a bespectacled geek and dig out all the sexual thoughts. And at the same time, I want to get inside the mind of a stud boy or a hot girl and dig out all the philosophical, spiritual or technical sh*t. We get bemused and disillusioned by appearances and assume the thoughts of a person depending on the way they look.

It’s  crazy how we think. In fact, a lot of pain we are dealing with, are really only thoughts. If we realise how powerful our thoughts are, we probably would never think anything negative. Now, this is again a bizarre thought. Too much of positivity makes you prone  to disappointments. Practical people hover between optimism and pessimism.

Let’s get in the head of a certain John Mayer. His thoughts are eclectic. As he approaches a milestone birthday he says, “I wish there was somebody to throw me the 40th,” leaning into his corniness. “I want the baby with the protective earphones” by the side of the stage. He’s even been living out of a hotel for fear of establishing another bachelor pad.

Mr Mayer is wary that his notoriety as a womaniser precedes him. “I’ve inherited a younger man’s reputation,” he said.

“You can even break ‘bad boy’ into good bad boy and bad bad boy — I somehow managed to become a bad version of a bad boy.”

Sigh. Forty is that crazy state of life, when you may find both the girl and her mother hot at the same time. Thank God I’ve a long way to go. But my 40-year-old pals think they’ve a FOMO (fear of missing out) when it comes to sex.  Do women ever wonder what men  think when they’re having sex? Especially, if they want to delay their orgasm, to give that extra pleasure to their partners?

Well, they may think about random things. They may think about God or the most dreaded subject in school (like mathematics, in my case). They may think about work, sports, gym and anything which is diagonally opposite to the sexual act they’re committed to. It’s bizarre how this operates. How men try to deviate their minds to delay the ejaculation.

In fact, I was the first one to thank Ranveer Singh when he started endorsing a condom brand. I thanked him that I’m lasting phenomenally longer because whenever I use that brand, I automatically think about him. And being a straight guy, it magically works.

I know my wife is going to kill me when she reads this. She thinks I have this tendency to get dirty when I write. In real life, I’m a simple straight-jacketed guy. Thanks, DNA, for giving wings to my alter-ego. My thoughts are untamed and you guys make it legit.