My parents haven’t returned my money!

Dear Shirish,I’m 10 years old, and over the last few years, had saved Rs 20,000 in my piggy bank to buy a PlayStation. A few months ago, my parents broke my piggy bank and took all my money because of some problem they called demonetization. They had promised to return my money in a few days, but they didn’t. When I asked them for my money, they said they will surely return in 50 days, but again they broke their promise and asked for more time. It has been more than three months now and they are saying they still don’t know when they will be able to give back my money and asking for more time. What should I tell them?Poor Kid

COMMERCIAL BREAK
SCROLL TO CONTINUE READING

Dear Poor Kid,Tell them to vote sensibly the next time, and on that condition, give them more time.

How do I make him marry me?

Dear Shirish,I started seeing this man three years back, and six months later, we moved in together. Every time I asked him about marriage, he said we should first get to know each other better. Last month, when I again asked him about marriage, he said he’s not yet ready for marriage, and if that is my condition, we should break up. I warned him that if he doesn’t marry me, I’ll put a case on him of rape on promise of marriage. He got scared and immediately agreed to marry me. I was so happy. But last week he told me that in the newspapers it was written that the court has ruled — consensual sex on promise of marriage is not rape. Is this true? What can I do now to make him marry me?Anvi

Dear Anvi,Now that you have shown your true colours and exposed your modus operandi, your best bet is to find another bakra who doesn’t read newspapers. All the best.

Babies are useless...

Dear Shirish,I’ve been married for three years now and my wife has been constantly nagging for a baby. But I personally think babies are completely useless. They just piss and poop everywhere, cry and make noise, break things, ruin our freedom and waste our time. I honestly can’t think of even one advantage of having babies. How do I make my wife understand this simple fact?Raghavendra

Dear Raghavendra,Just remind her that there’s a 50 per cent chance of babies going on their father. That should scare the shit out of her about babies at least with you.

How do you do?

Dear Shirish,I have no problems. Just dropped in to say – Hi, how do you do?Timepass

Dear Timepass,Missionary.

Politics is playing kabab mein haddi...

Dear Shirish,My boyfriend and I are having fights everyday. We began dating a year ago. But our political views don’t match. I believe in live and let live. I am fine with his views and the party he supports, but he is hellbent about changing my view. We argue all the time. Do you think this relationship will survive? Or should we end this now?Neelam

Dear Neelam,So you’re a libtard and your boyfriend is a deshbhakt. It’s easy to end a relationship but if you want to make it work, you need to work on it. Remember, you can never change anyone’s political beliefs just by reasoning. They need to be taught a lesson. So, tweet some liberal stuff from his account like —women should have rights, respect all women and their opinions, all religions should be accepted, etc. Immediately, he will be trolled by his ilk with the choicest of abuses, and then, he will have no choice but to come on your side.