Self-awareness versus self-management

Every leader has a strong suit of understanding oneself. That means they know their strengths, weaknesses, random swings, values and their people management capability. But to top it all, the most important quality that is being talked about since time immemorial is self-management. It is easy to talk about and give lectures to others but an extremely arduous task to inculcate.

Every time, I see people who are not able to understand their own behaviour in boardrooms, public presentations and managing teams. These people are termed as obnoxious, too full of themselves and arrogance. They may be in high positions but that does not guarantee self-management and at one point, it brings them down.

First one would be to understand, what makes self-management so hard? The most productive behaviours are not necessarily matching with our habits and our preferences. If they were, it would have been a better world to live in. Ankit works as an assistant manager in research and development based company. His boss Soman Nanchung is in my coaching and he is learning to manage these kinds of talented yet not very promotable people. Soman is being coached that Ankit and his likes need to understand better to make them effective.

Ankit is very good in his technical aspects and a keen sense of research. He still is not the first preference for any leadership role though. Common notion is that Ankit commits the same error of being aware yet not learning self-management.

For example, in review meetings, Ankit takes a question-answer session. For an answer that has to be precise and finish in two minutes, he speaks for 20 minutes of monologue. Behaving in ways that aren't aligned with own preferences can make people feel uncomfortable. But the damage is higher than anticipated. Folks think that if he finishes in two minutes than there can be a two way street of question answers. Ankit feels uncomfortable with being cornered or that's how he terms it.

The next stage enters soon in these people's lives. Being unskillful. No, I am not contradicting myself. These are talented individuals in one's own field. But being unskillful translates something like, "I do best what I do. Most people don't understand me. But do I look like I care?." Unskillful people are not great team leaders. They misfire words and sometimes goof up with negative feedbacks.

Having enough said about the problem, let's look at some self-implementable solutions.

Decide the areas to self-manage. Pay attention to how you typically behave. Like not only what you say and do but also identify occasions where your current approach is not working as well as you'd like, and self-management might be useful. Think of past critical feedbacks and office jokes that are aimed at you. Those are learnings.

Why you are not able to self-manage?

This one demands thorough thinking. Instead of your avoidance or usual reactions, if you were self-managing, what else could you do? What would be your reaction to those options? Keep a check on relapses. Heard about people going on a diet 20 times a year or quitting smoking 100th time? That's a relapse for you. We tend to crawl back instantly what we are actually. Comfort zone is cozier than the righteous path of self-management.

Notice how your preferences and habits show up here, and ask yourself what you are trying to avoid when you almost run back to those habits and preferences.

Create a strategy: Now that you know what you want to change, you have better understanding of what's irritating or stopping you, and have identified some equally powerful options of what drives you, think of specific steps you can take.

Divide these steps in daily goals. One step a time but a sure one is only thing to take you ahead. Remember that whether its walking 10 kms or running marathon, practicing daily is more crucial than mere understanding it.

It's natural to behave in ways that feel familiar. Self-management is grinding. But to be effective is leadership. Being aware and only talking about it labels one as Guru but not in positive sense.

The writer is a strategic advisor and premium educator with Harvard Business Publishing