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| Edited By: Nayandeep Rakshit |Source: DNA |Updated: Sep 20, 2018, 07:22 AM IST
My meeting with Shahid Kapoor was long overdue. But due to his frenetic schedule, it kept getting delayed. Finally, when we decided to catch up, the Bollywood star got candid about how his life has been witness to paradigm shifts since he started his career in 2003 and how he has finally learnt from his mistakes. Excerpts...
The major change is yet to take place. This is just a precursor to something big that is about to happen. That’s what my instinct tells me. I feel the current generation, and the ones to come, think differently from actors who have been here for 25-30 years. Even I am someone like that since I have witnessed the transformation. Some things are positive, some are unclear, while others are worrisome. But the change doesn’t only have to do with films; it’s about all mediums of storytelling. Today, television and web have turned out to be huge platforms and the reach is humongous. The way films are being made and consumed makes a lot of difference. People can either go to theatres or wait for the movie to come on cable or online. The important thing is to be open to change and be ready to discover yourself without any set rules as we’re in a transitional phase right now.
I’m not someone with a preconceived notion about what I want to do. I did that for a certain amount of time in my career. But in the last four-five years — maybe because I have more experience and I am now at peace with myself — I’ve a sense of detachment. I’m not overtly emotionally driven anymore. When you’re extremely emotional without any perspective, you tend to have a narrow-minded vision. I’ve made so many mistakes and have got it wrong more than right, but when I look back, I realise that it helps me to understand things better today. There were many times when I thought I knew what I was doing, but I had no clue at all (laughs). My understanding of relationships, equations and human beings have taught me a lot. Cinema is a representation of life and eventually, your choices are also a reflection of things you connect to.
It did put a lot of pressure initially because you tend to take these things too seriously. But over a period of time, you understand that a headline cannot define who you are. If you start taking them seriously, it messes with your head. It’s important to have a reality check. I neither had anyone to advise me nor have I’ve ever stuck to any camp. Having a larger world view of what’s happening in the fraternity is important, but what’s most required is not to compete with anybody. As long as you can peak and surprise yourself, it should give you a sense of achievement. It has to be personal because otherwise, you are only busy following someone else’s trajectory. Once you stop catching up with those who have already found themselves, you will end up finding yourself. Once you do that, people’s relationship with you will be based on the fact that you give them something that nobody else can. Just find your voice without worrying whether yours is louder than someone else’s or not.
In the first 10 years, I was competing with anybody and everybody (laughs). Competitiveness is good, but to get personal about it isn’t constructive. You can’t singularly think of two names and feel that you need to get past them. These are unhealthy thoughts. I also believe that good work comes from a good place, not from jealousy, angst or revenge. These are good emotions to portray on screen but not to drive yourself.
Maybe, I would have made a few more correct choices, but how would I become who I’m today? Whatever I’m as a creative being or personally is a sum total of my experiences. I hold on to my individuality strongly. I’ve done some good work and I’m around, so I’m proud of that. I’m confident that there’s also a kind of work that people are expecting from me. That makes my journey unique. Even though those phases when I felt lost might have been tough, I feel they helped me become who I am.
No, I’m instinctive about my choices. I know what not to do now. Sometimes, the first thing that comes to your mind is the truest thing. I have started listening to that. Previously, I wasn’t confident, calm or self-assured enough to connect with that voice deep within. Now, if that says, ‘Why are you doing this?’, I won’t do it.
Of course. Who hasn’t? They are lying. There are times when you’re living in a bubble. But it’s important to know that you’re going to get hit by it many times. At the end of the day, everybody is human and we are all going to go in and out of phases —there will be times when you feel like a star but you slowly learn not to be so reactive.
It’s been a while (smiles). Shaadi ke baad toh main domesticated ho gaya hoon (laughs). I don’t feel like a star, I feel like a labourer. When there are good people around who are interested in you for who you are, you behave normally. There are just days when Mira (Rajput) or my manager would tell me, ‘Why are you behaving like this? Stop it.’
All of us actually start living in denial after a while. When you are working so hard on a film and you get this feeling that ‘Samajh mein nahin aa raha hai ki kya ban raha hai, nobody takes it to heart’. Once you are participating in something, you have to give your best and hope for it to do well. By the time a movie is ready, you get a sense of what’s going to happen. And of course, it affects me if it’s not according to my expectations. It’s like a bad relationship — it leaves a void inside you. Sometimes, cinema gives you more than what you thought of, sometimes they leave you with nothing.
Right after Padmaavat where I played such a restrained, controlled part, I was bursting to do a character who is grey, loud and boisterous. So it was a great flip for me to go from Rawal Ratan Singh to this kapti lawyer. I had thoroughly enjoyed Toilet: Ek Prem Katha and the way director Shree Narayan Singh handled the issue of open defecation. He understands the world of small towns and knows how to represent it. Trust me, this is one movie which I’m extremely confident of. There are no doubts whatsoever (laughs).
