Exclusive! Abhishek Bachchan: I had the fear of being forgotten

Abhishek Bachchan is just 10 minutes late, but he apologises profusely. That is proof enough that he is a thorough gentleman. Tell him you’ve grown up watching his movies and he laughs saying, “I’ve grown up watching myself.” In the last two years though, he has stayed away from the arclights, trying to figure out a new strategy in an attempt to reinvent himself. While for most actors, it can get frustrating, the star son explains why the break was ‘absolutely necessary’ for him. 

When you meet him, you feel you are interacting with a 2.0 version of Abhishek.

Over the next half an hour, Junior B gets candid about his break, making a comeback with Anurag Kashyap’s Manmarziyaan, and the alterations he made in his life. Over to him.

Did you feel that a few choices went wrong in the last couple of years?

Not at all. In fact, my last couple of movies are possibly some of the most successful ones that I have done in my career. In everybody’s life, there comes a juncture when you need to just pause and re-evaluate. That’s very important. It was a personal choice for me not to work for a bit. Actually, I have never been somebody who thinks what I’ve done has been a mistake. Whatever decision you take — whether it works out for you or it doesn’t — I believe, you always have to figure out a way to turn that into a positive thing. If you do a film and it becomes successful, you learn from that. But if it doesn’t, you still learn a lot. You come out a winner, no matter what. For me, that’s always the kind of person I’ve always been. My films did good numbers and I was getting appreciated too, but that’s not just the way I wanted it to be.

What did you want to do then?

I decided to stop signing films and take some time off to set up my other businesses. I was keen to re-energise and then come back to work. I didn’t want it to be robotic. I needed to remove myself from my comfort zone, and be challenged. I wanted to check what I was doing. But more importantly, it was about how I was doing it. I felt that there was a great sense of complacency that had crept into my work and I have always said that it’s the death of an actor. It’s important to be nervous, stay on edge and have doubts — about how am I going to do my work and if things will be proper. When those fears are no longer there and you are doing a lot of work like I was back then, you feel you are just coasting along.

Does the fact that people still want to watch you give that confidence?

I’d be lying to you if I said no. Let’s be honest — we are all actors and a large part of what we do is for the acknowledgement and the appreciation. We all want somebody to come and say, ‘Okay, you tried your best’. I always looked out for people to react. So, when the promos of Manmarziyaan were out and the audience reacted positively, it was overwhelming for me because at the back of my mind, I knew that they still remember me. I heaved a huge sigh of relief. Phew, they remember me! It was a boost for sure because I had the fear of being forgotten. However, that was even before I took the sabbatical. I was speaking to my family and I just told my dad that I wanted to take a pause. He asked me if I was sure because he had told me that in the early ’90s, when he took a sabbatical of around four-five years, he considered it to be the biggest mistake of his life. He felt he had lost touch with what was going on, so his opinions stemmed from that experience. But I knew that I had to do this. Times have also changed since then.

Have your choices changed then?

Like I said, the films I was doing weren’t the issue, the problem was how I was doing them. I don’t know if my perspective has changed. But yes, my attitude has changed. What I want to do will change every day, because that’s evolution and you never know creatively what will excite you. But now, I know what I don’t want to do and that’s shockingly something I never did before. I never sat down and put down a plan. I was always happy to be an actor who’s just acting and got the opportunity to go and make movies.

Did you ever feel dejected or lost in the process?

No, I didn’t. I was lost before I took the decision to go on a break. The plan was to stop, pull back and re-evaluate. The last two-and-a-half-years have actually been a well-thought-out plan. 

When and how did Manmarziyaan come about?

In January this year (smiles). I had started listening to scripts since the last year-and-a-half. Aanand (L Rai) spoke to me and told me he had this script and wanted me to hear it. I’ve known him and have immense respect for him as a filmmaker. He sent across Kanika (Dhillon), the film’s writer, who narrated it to me and I liked it. I had one or two notes which she sweetly agreed to try and incorporate. There were a couple of more meetings in which we just discussed the script. At the end of it, I told Aanand that I liked the story but I asked him who’s directing the film. Then, he said Anurag will be helming the movie. I was like Anurag who? He told me, it’s Anurag Kashyap. After 15 seconds, I just said it’s great. 

Why the 15-second pause?

Because the film is a love triangle. You don’t use Anurag Kashyap and love stories in the same sentence. But it looked interesting and I knew it would be a challenge. I feel he has a unique creative voice and his craft is fantastic. He knows how to do things from a different perspective and he had an interesting take on the story. Then, we met and within a minute, I knew this was absolutely the right decision. He just blew me away with how he wanted to treat the film. He was a bit nervous about what I’d say. And within four to six weeks of me saying yes, I was on set in Amritsar. 

Weren’t there differences between you and Anurag?

That’s history now. I first worked with Anurag in Mani Ratnam’s Yuva (2004); he had written it. I don’t think he liked my work in the film (laughs). And it’s only fair because we had spent a lot of time doing readings for the film. So somewhere, maybe he felt a little disappointed when he watched the movie. But we never spoke about it. Now, we’ve put all that behind us. Manmarziyaan ticked all the boxes because I instinctively knew that I wanted to be uncomfortable, have sleepless nights and this guy was going to help me do that. Also, I would never allow ego to come in the way of my work.

They say the profession comes with a lot of insecurities. Do you agree?

Absolutely, and those insecurities are important. The only thing is, you can’t allow some of them to take control of you. But insecurity is good, because it keeps you alive and wanting to improve all the time.

Not playing the lead in ensemble films — didn’t that  matter to you?

For me, it’s always been about what the role is and how it’s impacting the script. But I’ve to confess that’s going to change. If our audience is perceiving something in a particular way, you can’t expect them to think otherwise. I started thinking that if I have a particular audience who expects something of me, I’ve to cater to that. I can’t be on this journey thinking I’ll continue to do whatever I’m doing. I loved being part of films like Bol Bachchan, Housefull 2 and Happy New Year; they’re still being spoken about. But I understand when people ask me why I’m taking up these supporting roles. I never understood that back then but now, I know to interpret it differently. I think my audience wants more from me. Does that mean I’m going to stop acting in ensemble films? No, not at all, because I enjoy it. I’m just going to work towards changing the perception.