Nationalism feverDear Shirish,I’m a student from JNU. Our Vice Chancellor wants to have an “army tank” on campus to remind students of the sacrifices of our Indian army. This is a university with young people, not an old age home where we need to be reminded of every little obvious thing. Isn’t this hyper-nationalism? What is your opinion on it?—JNU Student

Dear JNU Student,I think it’s a welcome initiative. In fact, I would go a step ahead and recommend a “fish tank” and an “oxygen tank” as well on campus. The fish tank will remind students of dinner, and an oxygen tank will remind students to breathe. But if you don’t want so many tanks on campus, just have one “think tank” in the Vice Chancellor’s office.

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No vices on screenDear Shirish,I’m an aspiring filmmaker. For the last six years, I’ve been working on the script of my debut film, which is now finally ready. It’s a story of an alcoholic contract killer. But now I read the announcement that the Censor Board chief has banned smoking and drinking in films. He says that he feels superstars, who have fans in the millions and the power to influence the society’s behaviour, must not be shown smoking or drinking. This means that all my hard work of the last six years will go down the drain. I’ll be ruined if that happens. Please give me some solution to make my film happen.—Aspiring Filmmaker

Dear Aspiring Filmmaker,Cast him only as the hero of your film. He has no fans, and no one in the society will ever get influenced by him. So it’s absolutely safe to show him smoking and drinking.

Bank rushDear Shirish,I hear that the Rs 2,000 rupees notes are getting demonetised, and new Rs 200 rupees notes are being introduced. Just when we settle with the cash flow, this happens. I can’t make any sense of this. What could be the reason for this new madness?—Concerned Citizen

Dear Concerned Citizen,To increase employment. After demonetisation, everyone complained that there’s unemployment everywhere. Now, this will make everyone run to the bank and get busy again.

Sugary talesDear Shirish,I saw a recent picture of yours in the newspaper and you seemed to have put on some weight. I think it’s the sugar. I had also put on a lot of weight, but ever since I gave up sugar, I lost it all and have become slim and trim again. I suggest you also stay away from sugar.— Well-wisher

Dear Well-wisher,That’s ridiculous. If sugar makes us fat, how come the ants are not fat?