My way or highway? Go for middle path

For married couples who call time on their marriage, the separation comes with a rider if they have children. Who will get the custody of the child?

With many marriages ending owing to bitterness between the husband and the wife, the one getting the custody of the child makes it tough—if not impossible—for the other parent to get access to the child. This oneupmanship deprives the child and the other parent of each other’s company.

Given the negative impact of separation, the concept of shared parenting is gaining momentum.

Take the case of Rakesh Nair (name changed), for example. City-based IT professional parted ways with his wife past year when their son was only 15 months old. Their divorce case is sub judice.

Meanwhile, Nair can meet his son only in weekends, that too at his in-laws’ place. His hour-long visits are hounded by his in-laws, who do not leave him and his son alone. Nair claims that his in-laws tell his son not to address him as “papa”, but as “uncle”.

Narrating his ordeal, he says he cannot meet his son other than on weekends unless he has the court’s permission. He says he was so depressed that he tried committing suicide three months ago.

He survived and learnt about Children Rights Initiative for Shared Parenting (Crisp), an NGO. He says the constant support and counselling from the NGO helped him come out of the blues.

Now, he is in discussions with his wife, looking forward to shared parenting of their son.

Sumit Kumar’s (name changed) is another case in point.

The city-based software engineer was separated from his two-and-a-half-year-old daughter after he filed for divorce. He alleges his in-laws are so averse to him that they did not heed his suggestion of treating his daughter’s medical condition.

He claims he had to approach Karnataka Medical Council as the doctor who saw his daughter had certified her as fit at the behest of the girl’s maternal grandparents.

He says he took the matter to the court, which asked his wife to cooperate with him regarding the girl’s treatment.

Kumar too approached Crisp after learning about them through their website and is finding its suggestions useful.

The NGO told him about shared parenting and he told his wife about it. He says even his wife sees merit in shared parenting for the welfare of the child.

What is shared parenting?
1.    Both the parents get anytime access to the child
2.    The child gets to spend equal amount of time with each parent and grandparents
3.    Holidays are equally divided between the parents
4.    School and college functions are to be attended by both the parents

For more details on shared parenting, visit www.crisp-india.org