Children and reality’s big bites

We live in violent times, whether it is the turmoil in Kashmir, the Naxal uprising or rave parties and drugs.

Violence is now regular news, but with channels not thinking twice about splashing graphic images and gory pictures on the screen, parents sitting with their children wonder aloud if it is OK to let their child see such violence.

Manju Sharma, principal of DPS, South, and a parent, says, “I never make a concerted effort to switch off the TV when reports are flashing on the screen.” Instead she sits with her children and views these reports, that way, “we can have a discussion on the issue”.

As a principal she feels that “children of class Xth onwards are mature enough to understand issues”. In fact, in their school, there are discussions on current affairs held during the political science class. Children cannot be prevented from watching reports of violence or even of youngsters caught in illegal rave parties, Sharma feels, “Such reports are all over the place; one really can't protect children from them.”

Another thing with hiding or 'protecting' children is that it could come back to bite you. The world out here is as bad as bad can be, allowing no peek into this world can leave your child ill-equipped when they step out into it. “A protected child is only living in a fool's paradise,” says Sharma.

But psychologists have a word of caution for parents, child psychologist Dr Mythili M Sarma, says, “Limited exposure is fine, however, constant exposure can have severe effect on the child's psyche.” In the formative years, she says, the child is looking at building trust and to reinforce this trust they need positive images and interactions.

However, for many parents it is a constant tussle between how much and too much. And then there is always that big question of when is it right to beginning discussing topics related to violence, sex, et al.

While violence has permeated to such a level that no discussion is void of it, psychologists suggest that children aged below 10 be protected from such exposure. “Children at that change oscillate between dreams and reality. Graphic images can make them uncomfortable and they are yet to process such information from a distance.”

Parental guidance is a wonderful thing, but can today's working parents be there at all times? Knowing that isn't a possibility, parents need to allow room for discussion. This helps not only bond, but also, as one parent said, “helps me understand what is going on my child's mind”. Extreme viewpoints of a child can “through discussion” be appropriately influenced.

Constant exposure may manifest in the child's behaviour; Dr BR Madhukar, consultant psychiatrist, St Martha's Hospital, says, “Boys are seen to get more aggressive, girls who are more sensitive may get anxious and begin to avoid such instances closer home.” However, psychologists advise that while parents need to expose children to current events, there is a need to engage children in constructive dialogue.

“It depends on their EI [emotional quotient],” says Sarma, on how a child processes such information. Initially, even before they can process information, it affects their subconscious. “A child processes information based on her temperament,” says Sarma.

Other factors that contribute to a child's dealing with such news can be the environment at home. A child coming from a home where there is parental discord may be more exposed to negativity and hence, may be able to “de-sensitise” from news of violence. However, a child who is not exposed to harsh realities may find it difficult to deal with violence. Hence, exposure through experience also plays an important role in how a child may react to reports of violence.

The first intent of children is “information gathering”, “curiosity” takes a close second. “Children do not know fear or conflict, these are passed on by adults to them,” says Sarma.