No shame in standing up for what’s right

I am no one to judge, but it makes me uneasy to read about instances in which women who have been molested or raped have refused to file formal complaints or FIRs against their alleged attackers.

Take for example, the 24-year-old student who is pursuing her PhD in Physics in IIT-Bombay. It is possible that she was one of the first-benchers in my class — girls I used to be envious of because they always had answers to all questions asked. She even reached IIT-Bombay, something I can only dream of, and is studying a subject that I barely managed to pass in school.

The student refused to undergo a medical examination to confirm if she was sexually assaulted by a 57-year-old IIT  staffer who drugged her after luring her to have tea in his room on campus.

The staffer clearly had devious intentions but that cannot be proved since the student said she would die if it was confirmed that she had been sexually assaulted.

The student had her reasons to refuse the examination. But I feel it would have been better if she had agreed to do it. That would have ensured her peace of mind (if it was proved that nothing happened), or,  punishment for the man (if it was proved that he indeed assaulted her). Instead, he is likely to get off easily.

Similarly, an engineering student was raped in a park in Mumbai over a month ago. You will not know about it because it was never officially reported as the girl refused to lodge a rape complaint. The police files only record that she was mugged and robbed.

Instead of making the wrong somewhat right in his own way (by tying the knot), her boyfriend should have taken the initiative to lodge the right FIR.

Similarly, many women ignore incidents of harassment in their daily lives. For example, if a man intentionally brushes his hand across them in a bus or on a crowded street, women whose instinct tells them it’s not an accident, usually pretend as if nothing has happened. As if by doing that all this harassment will stop.

The parents of both women mentioned in this piece sought the best education for their daughters. They should have perhaps also taught them to respect themselves and their rights and not push serious matters under the carpet because of shame or fear. They have nothing to be ashamed of.

I strongly believe parents should not discourage daughters from filing FIRs in case of molestation and rape. Even if discouraged, daughters shouldn’t comply with such requests. I agree most such women want to forget about the incident because of trauma, shame or fear of victimisation due to society’s prejudices, but my question is: why should a woman, who has been molested or raped feel ashamed because of someone else’s shamelessness? It is the attacker who should be named, shamed and punished.