If you are shocked by what diplomats say about their hosts as revealed by WikiLeaks, please relax. These were confidential cables and candid descriptions do help. There is no point in getting your knickers in a twist trying to explain ground realities to headquarters.

COMMERCIAL BREAK
SCROLL TO CONTINUE READING

Remember the story of the British ambassador back from the Middle East struggling to explain to the Queen what the head of government he dealt with was like? After a lot of tactful talk, the Queen cut him short. “Are you trying to tell me,” asked Her Majesty, “that the man is just bonkers?” Well, being rudely frank often saves time.

So let’s not get all het up about the juicy talk. Besides, diplomacy can be in place even when you are caught out. Like when John Humes, America’s Austrian ambassador, got a big consignment of Havana cigars. America did not have diplomatic relations with Cuba, so Humes could not formally accept. “Burn them,” he ordered his deputy briskly, “one by one, slowly.”

Of course the WikiLeaks disclosures will not affect Indo-US diplomatic ties. Why, we have already declared that India has “multi-faceted” ties with the US, and talks will go on as always. What is actually disturbing is that everything is multi-faceted now. The straight and narrow is out. This is the age of nuanced living and multi-tasking. Especially in the art of information gathering.

Recent leaks of confidential dialogue — the Niira Radia tapes and WikiLeaks cables — have confirmed that for those in the business of political communication, one job is not enough, however good you may be at it. You must multi-task. If you are a US diplomat, you also need to be a spy. To be a good journalist you clearly need to be a mediator as well. Only underachievers have a one-dimensional career.

Take US secretary of state Hillary Clinton’s instructions to US diplomats around the world and in the United Nations to snoop for personal details, “biographic and biometric information” and credit card details, passwords and computer encryption keys of their counterparts and other officials. These specially applied to top UN officials — including Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon. Multi-tasking is fine, but how on earth were the dear diplomats to get such information?

Visions of ambassadors crawling on all fours in the dark, juggling a torch, talcum powder, sticky tape and a DIY fingerprint kit come to mind. Or enthusiastic conversation starters like, “Excuse me, Your Excellency, would you mind stepping this way and looking into my new camera, please? One eye at a time, please — no, please don’t blink! It’s my son’s new school project”. Maybe diplomats need spook training before being sent off into a world thick with inscrutable biometric information that Uncle Sam so lusts after.

And if you are a journalist worth your salt, go get some training in lobbying. You don’t have to be the lowly ‘fixer’ anymore, you can be a celebrity journo and keep your contacts — from the corporate lobbyist to the neta — happy. And if you get found out, you could say that you lied. Yes, you promised to pass on a message, then told your contact you had done it. But of course you had not. You repeatedly lied to her. That’s perfectly justified. In this multi-faceted age, the fib is mightier than the sword.