Is it easier being a parent to a young child or is it easier to parent a young adult?  For even when your kids have left school, entered college and are starting off on a job, our job as a parent does not end. Mine have gone through the former phase and are now qualified to be called young adults, but even after parenting them in their mature avatars for a bit, I do not think I have the answer. What I have are issues — or decisions and situations — that all parents of a similar age face, and I am going to share them with you in this column today.  Treat him like an adult: This is one quantum leap that quite a few of us find it difficult to take. It is time to let them fly — at least metaphorically — the nest. But how much does one loosen the apron strings? No matter how old our children become (and I am sure our parents will also say this) to us they are our little kids. With children who are 18 plus, I constantly have to remind myself that they are old enough to take their decisions, perhaps mature enough to realise what is right and wrong, sometimes young enough to need a little guidance — a difficult tightrope to walk, and one that I am still learning to cross. Connect with your child: Even living in the same house, I find my children surprising me. Their thinking, their speech and their dreams are naturally a generation apart from what I am. So, I have to find different ways of connecting with them – even though I am often told, ‘Mom, this is not for you’. Advise an adult? On a day-to-day basis, perhaps not.  You have already established a healthy relationship with your child. So, that will be the basis for them turning to you for help — if they feel they need it. This does make me feel like a spectator, but I know this is one way of helping them build their lives. But, if there is an out-of-the-box decision to be taken, then they know as I do that it is time for a talk. Listen to their ‘voice’: When our children are growing up, all of us tend to decide for them in a large measure — from what they wear, to where they school, to the parties they attend and more. But as the years begin to pile up, the house becomes a little more democratic. For instance, shopping and day-to-day activities are something that I do not need to bother about any more. And on other issues, they speak – and I try to listen to what they want to do. And whose is the casting vote? Thankfully, still mine on many points and I do my level best to ensure that I have listened to them and taken into account what I want. If after that they still follow their wish and do what they please, I know that it is time to back off. Cleaning up: Remember they are old enough to clean up whatever mess they have created. So, when you see the room with stuff sprawled across or plates left on the table, try not to clear up instantly. Used as I am to clockwork efficiency, I realised when our servant went on leave, how much effort it takes to rustle up the same effect. I was on the verge of drawing up a chore chart, when the kids said, ‘Just tell us what to do every day and we will get it done’. Simple? The formula worked with different degrees of success on different days.    And, as the summer of 2013 comes to an end, I know that the months down the road are bound to be more challenging…and exciting!  The writer, Executive Editor, Verve, is often driven to distraction by her two growing ‘young adults’. But she loves the madness of it all.

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