Satire: ‘Editors and animators needed on an urgent basis in Pakistan’

Due to frustration and desperation after the global snub at the International Court of Justice, the Pakistani Army, the terrorists, the Hafizs and the Pakistan government have gone into a big huddle.

The Indian Army, last week, conducted a press briefing to make an official announcement of its “punitive assault”, and has also released the video footage of its offensive at the Nowshera sector.

To counter India’s claim, and to avoid any further embarrassment, the official spokesperson of their ‘Deep State’ released a video of “Pak army striking Indian posts”, notwithstanding the track record of morphing and poor editing (like the one of the abducted Kulbhushan Jadhav).

The video of Jadhav’s ‘confession’ was supposed to be shot either at their ISI or IS (Islamic State) office, but the Army made an exception by taking the ‘Indian Spy’ to a recording studio where a four-camera set-up was made (not the High Definition ones due to lack of funds from their new sponsor China). Two teleprompters were also kept there. Despite all the hardware, the Army did a very poor editing job.

In any other country, which is not a banana republic, such confession videos are seldom made public, except when presenting it to the court, or after the verdict is out. And even when doing so, only the unedited and raw footage is shown. But given the ‘great democracy’ Pakistan is, overlapping the audio thrice, with almost 14 cuts, several changes in lights, multiple camera switching and many more goof-ups, Pak Army managed to fool their audience/citizens with the ‘confession’ footage.

The ICJ, however, outrightly rejected airing the video (perhaps much above international standards?).

Post such levels of appreciation from the world court, and also enthused by the press briefing of its Indian counterpart, the Pakistan Army spokesperson tweeted a video of ‘Pak bombing India posts’, which was prepared by the same editors and animators who did the ‘confession’ job.

In a bid to shoot such a video, the Pakistan Army apparently blew up their own posts and chowkis. Shocked by the unusual behaviour of a sister organisation, the LeT commander gave a written complaint to Pakistani Army chief General Bajwa.

The LeT chief was shocked. In an exclusive interview to senior journalist and anchor in Pakistan, he said, “At first we thought India has conducted surgical strikes again. Then after much discussion, we realised that the bombing was from our side. I asked my colleague Imitiaz to check whether any of our teammates have done this out of excitement, but we were shocked to know that our brothers from Army were actually firing at us. For a moment I thought Nawaz actually started implementing the script written by me -- ‘Pakistan is against any form of terror and will act accordingly’ — but I was assured that Nawaz will never betray us. Hence, we concluded that it must be due to US pressure, or else our brothers would never think of harming us. But anyway, such actions are not accepted in our country, and we have written about this to General Bajwa and seek immediate action. Or else we’ll blow the remaining posts too.”

Later, we heard that an internal enquiry had been ordered to probe the ‘self-bombing’ incident.

After considering all aspects, the internal probe team ordered sacking of the video editor/s and animators who had tried editing Kulbhushan’s and Nowshera’s video and made a mockery of Pakistan at the global level, yet again.

Hence, applications are welcomed for the posts of editor and animators, and compensation is no bar for a perfect candidate (China is ready to foot the bill).