Column

I haven’t read anything about it, but I think given that the average person spends a fair amount of his week at restaurants, it’s time we heard more on the subject of restaurant etiquette. Each time I enter an eatery with someone whose restaurant etiquette is wanting I can feel the hairs on the back of my neck rise, along with my pressure.

You know the kind of person I’m talking about. The type who firstly doesn’t book, and expects to be given a table the moment he shows up. This in itself is forgivable, we all can be accused of occasional forgetfulness or spontaneity, but I’m talking about how people behave when they’ve been told the place is full and they can’t get a table.

Some people I know become over familiar with the maitre d’ and start to beg. They think that by being chatty they might be able to swing things in their favour. They assume that the poor chap standing in front of them has all the time in the world to listen to their evening plans, when the truth is that the restaurant is full and the staff’s resources are obviously stretched.

Others become surly. They behave as if securing a table at a busy restaurant is something of a virility test. They treat the information that they cannot get a table as if it’s a personal rejection. They flounce, or worse still convey their disappointment in words. All so needless. You don’t get place at your favourite restaurant, you turn around and leave. With your dignity intact.

But that’s just the beginning of bad restaurant etiquette. Take the business of finding a table. Have you ever met the Wanderers? They can’t make up their minds where they want to sit. So they do a little confused choreography of table-hopping, warming a couple of seats before they settle on one, even while you’re left trailing behind them embarrassed as hell.

But even that’s a mild sin, in the book of bad restaurant etiquette. What’s far more incriminating is something that’s become increasingly common nowadays: dithering endlessly on what to order, while your hapless guests, not to mention the poor waiter, shift impatiently during the whole procedure.

“Should I have the braised lamb? I don’t know… the steak sounds pretty good, the scallops look tempting also,” they dither. And then comes the clincher, when you want to stab them with the steak knife. Turning to the by now ready to implode waiter who is having trouble keeping the smile frozen of his face they ask “is the red snapper fresh…?” As if someone someday is ever going to turn round and say “No mam, it’s rotten as hell, and I would not eat it myself!”

That’s just the irritating ordering habits people have when they’re dining out. What about the fact that some people are never ever satisfied with what they’ve ordered, and complain bitterly about their choice through out the duration of the entire meal. Then there’s those who are rude to the staff, those who insist on eating from your plate, those who table-hop making friends and influencing people leaving you alone on your table, and of course those who talk loudly on their mobiles.

I could go on, but you’ve got the point. Restaurant etiquette. As important as knowing which wine to order and which gourmet food to eat I think.

s_malavika@dnaindia.net