Read full text of Donald Trump's inaugural address (Spoof)

The following speech was definitely not written in the 'Winter House' Mar-a-Lago or by Donald J Trump, the president-elect of the United States of America. 


I Donald J Trump, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States, that document that Muslim fellow was carrying.  And you know I’ve always preserved and persevered to the best of my ability, because my acts are as good as my words; just ask all the women I’ve been with. They will tell you it was the best. I am no lightweight. Nothing was small and nothing was short, and everything lasted longer than others.

I swear to God I will do it well because I am the best; not a politically correct moron. I told you crooked Hillary with zero leadership skills would lose but a lot of you didn’t believe me, but deceitful liars instead. But that’s what happens when you read fake news from CNN and BuzzFeed, leaked to them by a loser who got caught in a war. Seriously, BuzzFeed should just stick to cat GIFs. At least they are funny. Seriously, these fake news guys are out of control. (points at CNN guy) 

As for any civil rights losers that are missing in action, no one misses you, you liar. So, you marched with Martin Luther King Jr once, are you going to brag on about that for the rest of your life?

Speaking about losers, what’s up Hillary? Aren’t you guys glad you don’t have to see her ugly face every single day? Can you imagine every American being forced to see that face every day? I hear even Bill puts a mask on her from time to time. (Wink with right eye) 

It's just a joke, NYT op-ed writers, don't waste a thousand words on it. 

But enough talking about losers who can’t get votes even when the entire press and almost every big donor backing them even when my own party gave up on me.

 Let’s talk about how we are going to Make America Great Again. Can you imagine how tremendous it’s going to be? It’s going to be huge.

 I will have you know that while every loser has been marching outside protesting against me or making UNFUNNY comedy sketches, I’ve got A LOT OF WORK DONE ALREADY.  

More and more companies are falling in line and pledging to BUILD IN AMERICA because of me and I brought down the price of Air Force One. AND I DID ALL THIS ON TWITTER, LOSERS, but you’d rather talk about some fake news about how Putin used prostitutes to get me in line. My wives couldn’t get me in line, do you think I’d listen to Putin because of some Russian hookers? And why would I want Russian hookers anyway? American hookers are the best, like I said – I always make in America.  (Show left thumb)

By the way, Barry, you guys keep throwing phrases like CONFLICT OF INTEREST at me but you actually gave the Presidential Medal of Freedom to your own Vice-President simply because he helped create some internet worthy memes?  But enough talking about the stupid, weak losers and politically correct morons.

Let’s forget all that, the past is past. It’s time to look ahead, it’s time to Make America Great Again. It’s time to win again, it’s time make the world kneel before us again. It’s time to take everyone by the balls and to start winning again.  We are going to win bigly. God, bless you and America. ISIS terrorists, be afraid. Daddy’s Home.

Yours sincerely,
Donald Trump

(Approved by Vladimir Putin)