The Ashes: Awful Australia end hopes of classic series

Australia's ineptitude on another blissful day at Lord's threatened to suck the drama from this series.

To restore the glorious tension of Trent Bridge last week the Ashes need Michael Clarke's side to stop donating their wickets to English bowlers and take time to read the manual on decision reviews.

If they carry on as they did on this second day at Lord's - where the great Australian players of yesteryear rounded on them for their self-destructive batting - Clarke and the rest of his top six will be broken by an England side whose own work with the willow is hardly imperious.

Alastair Cook's fall for eight as Australia returned to the field 233 runs behind reaffirmed that England's batters are also disjointed and underperforming. Their only boast is that they are slightly less disjointed than Australia.

Jonathan Trott and Kevin Pietersen soon joined Cook back in the Pavilion to leave England 30 for three. All fell to Peter Siddle, who took three wickets for four runs in 16 balls.

In Nottingham and here in London, England have owed their superiority at the crease to Ian Bell. Until Siddle's flourish, the 11 Australians beneath those baggy green caps seemed doomed to lose their sixth Test in a row: their worst run since 1984.

The small burst of spirit we saw in Thursday's opening session gave rise to a hope that this could be another classic series to match the summer corkers of 2005 and 2009. Ryan Harris brought fresh punching power to Australia's attack.

Steve Waugh's pre-match campanology from the balcony was a clanging call to arms. The old legends filed off the bus like an international rescue squad. They gave their pep talks and took their seats in shirts and ties or worked their way through media rotas: Ricky Ponting, Shane Warne, Glenn McGrath and Adam Gilchrist were all on hand to inspire by example.

The first day ended with England 289-7 with Bell the saviour of some unconvincing batting. That total was inflated to 361 before Australia took up their cudgels, to great comedic effect. First, Shane Watson wastes a review on an lbw decision he had no chance of overturning.

His error: playing across the line to a straight delivery. Then, Chris Rogers falls to a full-toss from Graeme Swann that was missing leg stump. His error: allowing Watson's ridiculous appeal to deter him from asking for his own review, which would have saved his wicket.

Next: Phil Hughes drives at an angled Tim Bresnan ball and burns Australia's last review in a vain attempt to show he had not nicked the ball (he had). So: Australia, 53 for three. Usman Khawaja then lofts a Swann delivery to Pietersen: another scatty stroke, which put the Australian innings in a spiral.

Working down a list of silly ways to be dismissed, they then contrived a run-out for Ashton Agar, and soon England were scuttling them out for 128. During lunch, Warne had been inducted into cricket's hall of fame in front of the Pavilion while the collapsing team of 2013 applauded from their balcony. The shadow of the Ponting/Waugh years will not lift.

When things are going well they hearten with their presence. When the day turns sour, they are the juxtaposition from hell. McGrath called Australia's batting "horrendous" and "unacceptable."

Warne diagnosed "a lack of fight." The dreaded c-word, capitulation, was ready to be used. Revenge is high on the wishlist of English observers who remember the eight Australian Ashes series wins from 1989-2002. More than another tense summer to match 2005 and 2009, they crave the obliteration of Clarke's team here and again this winter.

Total conquest should be England's only aim, they think. They ask: did Waugh or Ponting or Warne or McGrath ever show England any mercy? Did they care about TV viewing figures, newspaper sales or the stretching of dramatic tension across fives Tests? No, they sought to wipeout the enemy.

The scars from that period remain, if the chatter between England fans is any guide. Neutrals and lovers of tight contests want something more. They want the spirit of Trent Bridge to run right through to the end of August. When Australia imploded - and fouled up their decision reviews - this series seemed to fall away.

An anti-climactic sense settled over Lord's. Too hasty. Siddle, who took five English first innings wickets at Trent Bridge, reached for his rapier again and cast doubt on England's own batting potency. Pietersen has scored 14, 64, 2 and 5; Cook has hit 13, 50, 12 and 8. Joe Root has yet to establish his authority as an Ashes opener.

England were 31 for three at stumps, a lead of 264. By no stretch could they be said to have fully capitalised on the weakness of Australia's top six, who came into this series with a 70-run per innings disadvantage on averages.

England's early evening tremble removed the smelling salts from under the noses of the organisers, who had started to dream of five tight Tests. Cook's men may yet extend their charitable work.

But there was something about Australia's batting that said they are beyond saving in this series. Even the grand old men who came to buck them up seemed to see a hollowness.