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Fake Facebook Wall: Jose Mourinho becomes Manchester United manager

The following is a fake Facebook conversation after Jose Mourinho was appointed Manchester United manager.

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Jose Mourinho Fake Facebook Wall
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Jose Mourinho: I am honoured to be part of Manchester United. It’s a special club which needs a special manager.

Alex Ferguson: Welcome son. Welcome. I knew you will be perfect.

Jose Mourinho: You know we could’ve avoided all this, if you simply appointed me as your successor but no you went all Cyruff on me. No you can’t be Man Utd manager, you don’t have class, you poke people in the eye.

Bobby Charlton: You did poke someone in the eye.

Jose Mourinho: Well that was after Barcelona dumped me. Cryuff picked Pep Guardiola over me, and then Sir Alex and you picked Moyes. I mean Djemba Djemba was a lesser mistake.  

Jose Mourinho: And Sir Alex never, ever stepped outside the boundaries of good etiquette? What did he do, whisper sweet nothings into referees’ ears?

Alex Ferguson: Let’s just let bygones be bygones. Everyone knows I made a mistake. Can we move past it? How about I get you some nice wine?

Jose Mourinho: Sigh, fine. I was just jousting. I like to create a little tension.

Alex Ferguson: Why don’t you create a ‘us vs the world’ mentality, not ‘us v/s us’ as the world laughs mentality.

Roman Abrahimovic: Mou bro, I gave you everything you wanted and you still did this.

Jose Mourinho: You gave me so many things I didn’t want. *cough* Shevchenko *cough*

Eva Carnerio: And you behaved like a complete jackass.

Jose Mourinho: Okay I apologise, things have never been the same between me and the boys since you left.

Roman Abrahimovic:  Almost feels like a plan to sabotage me.  BTW still got your naming rights. Think I will go have some tea in a Jose Mourinho cup and wipe it with Jose Mourinho tissues.

Ed Woodward: Not for long you don’t. Woodward see, Woodward get.

Jose Mourinho: It looks like we are going to have a lot of fun here.

Pep Guardiola: I’m having second thoughts about this Manchester City job.

Jose Mourinho: Hi kitman. The times are a changin’.
Pep Guardiola: I don’t feel so good about staying in the same city as him.

Sheikh Mansour: $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Pep Guardiola: I feel warmer already. Let the tiki-taka revolution begin.

Jose Mourinho: We will see.

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