I deserve a movie like Milkha Singh: Former India hockey captain Sandeep Singh

You have been in and out of the team, but being left out of even the 48 probables for the Asia Cup must be a tough pill to swallow. The latest snub must be very demotivating...
Being in and out of the team is not a big thing. Sometimes you get injured. But when you’re fit and still out of the team, that’s when it hurts the most. I just saw Bhaag Milkha Bhaag and it struck me that despite his (Milkha Singh’s) family being killed in Pakistan, he chose to be super fit. It hurt his heart. I have gone through something very similar when I was on a wheelchair in 2006 (he was accidentally shot during a train journey).

But my pain was both external and internal. From a super fit guy in the national team, I went straight to being confined to bed. I couldn’t move my legs, couldn’t even get up and go to the toilet, couldn’t even wash myself in the loo. I’ve come out of such a phase. That was the most difficult time of my life. If I could overcome that, play for India again, perform at the highest level and win matches for my country, these times seem less painful than that. I hope – and I’m confident – that I’ll be back.

Does the 2006 incident still haunt you?
It’s my wish that a movie is made on my life and my accident, and I’m working towards it. Movies are being made on Milkha Singh and Mary Kom. My life story is no less than what they went through. I want to show my real life story to all youngsters who don’t know me and the kind of hardships I have gone through. I want them to be inspired by it. I’m also thinking of publishing a book in the future. I keep writing about the happenings in my life when I’m alone.

You seemed shaken and hurt after you were dropped from the probables camp. You chose to be completely cut-off from the outside world...
Look, if I keep crying about the fact that I’m out of the team, if I keep thinking that I was the most experienced player in the side and they still kicked me out and that I’ve had enough of hockey, then I can never make a comeback. The day you think you’re satisfied with your life or your performance, you’re finished. I keep telling myself that I’m not satisfied with my life and that I want more pain and more hard-work. I want to keep playing for my family, my state, my country and for all of my teammates and fans who feel Sandeep Singh should be back.

You’ve been dropped many times before and even when it looked like your career was finished, you’ve come out of it. How does your mind work during such times? Who do you turn to for support?
It’s simple – if you don’t try, you will never fail. Unless you’re out of the team, you’ll never know who your true supporters are. Everyone backs you and praises you when you’re in the team but the day your bad times begin, you’ll come to know how much you mean to your friends and family. The day I was dropped, I knew which of my friends and well-wishers support me from their hearts.

You had said after your latest comeback in June that Harbhajan Singh’s advice helped you. Has he stood by you even now?
Yes, I always spoke to him when I was in the team. Even now when I’m out, we speak often and he always tells me, ‘No matter what happens in your life – be it during your ups or downs – always listen to your family and friends for they will never leave you when you’re alone.’

At 27, are you confident of maintaining the level of fitness required for another comeback?
Of course. I’m doing my police training now. I wake up at 4.45 am, do the police physical education drills and parade, and then attend various classes that go on till about 7 pm. I then have my own personal fitness sessions and also some hockey sessions. So, I’m working twice as hard.

The selectors felt that your defence had become very poor. Do you agree?
I have spoken to (Roelant) Oltmans about this. Every selector or former coach will have his own thinking. I’m not blaming them. During our Holland tour, Oltmans told me a lot of things which I’m good at and which I need to work on. I was doing those things and will continue to do so. I want to train with Oltmans again.

How was your experience with Michael Nobbs?
He is a good coach. Sometimes he was confused about how to go about training before different tournaments. But he also never got any major tournaments as a chief coach to groom the players and the team. It is the federation’s and Sports Authority of India’s prerogative to appoint coaches, but I think he should have enough experience to handle a team.

Finally, a selector said that you have had your day. Do you realistically see yourself donning the India jersey again?
That wish is there in my heart every moment of the day. The time has not yet come when I can say I’m satisfied with what I’ve achieved. These words, told to me by a former Indian coach, are always in my mind: ‘Whenever you’re satisfied, you’re finished. Har time kuch na kuch paane ki chaah rakhni chahiye (one should always be eager to achieve something).’