Big wins mean tiny benefits for all involved

The lights of Mount Titano twinkled above us. England's fans packed the hillsides in the murk beyond the running track. Vital World Cup qualifying points were on the line. Yes, this was a seismic battle between the joint-lowest ranked nation in world -football and one with a 5.5 billion pounds Premier League TV rights deal.

The definition of an easy game is one where you can rest your captain and most influential player, safe in the knowledge that the opposition are powerless to exploit your gamble. San Marino slid to their 58th consecutive defeat in qualifying matches and Steven Gerrard watched from the bench as Frank Lampard and Tom Cleverley filled the central-midfield positions while some throwback England fans sang "No surrender to the IRA".

Is there any point to these games? In this age of the fractured attention span the modern spectator abhors a mismatch. At a time when even Test cricket is edging towards a two-league system (with the once mighty West Indies probably in Div 2), a hilltop republic of 30,000 souls and 24 square miles chased not a point so much as a goal to place alongside the one that shook the world (or England, anyway) in 1993 in Bologna.

There, in a moment immortalised on tapestries and frescoes, Davide Gualtieri pounced on Stuart Pearce's loose back-pass to score after 8.3 seconds. An England team of Andy -Sinton and Stuart Ripley reeled for a minute or two like a champion fighter caught flush on the chin by a no-hoper, then steamed to the other end of the pitch and scored seven of their own.

Here in the Stadio di Serravelle the San Marinios (as Jack Charlton might have called them) ingenuously reversed the narrative of 1993, scoring first again, but in their own net, through Alessandro Della Valle, as Rooney Wayne (as the stadium announcer introduced him) raced into the box. There came more, from Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Jermain Defoe, Ashley Young and Frank Lampard - all before half-time.

Everyone knows San Marino have won only once in their entire history, against Liechtenstein in 2004. Their current bold bid to reach the beaches of Rio and home of Joga Bonito had not started well before England used the place as a points-gathering stopover en route to Montenegro, where Podgorica's main stadium throbs with energy and hostility (unlike this one).

San Marino had conceded 16 times and scored none: the worst record of all the European minnows. Before this round of fixtures Liechtenstein had scored once and Luxembourg and the Faroe Islands twice each. It goes without saying that none had managed a win.

Curiously, in an age when international friendlies are reviled by club managers, the guns have fallen silent in relation to mismatches against tiny states. At least in friendlies the opposition tend to be called Holland or Italy or Spain. Players are tested, formations tried and playing styles encountered. Here? For entertainment, San Marino's starting XI were a distant second to their band, who bravely stood in front of thousands of England fans tossing flags and beating drums in Blackadder costumes.

"If I was a scout for a conference team, I must say I'd need a second look at these San Marino players," said David Pleat on the radio. In case his meaning was unclear, Pleat was not saying he would be keen to see them again.

There are two convincing arguments against these non-events. One is that the stronger country gains nothing from flying halfway across Europe for a training-ground jog. More important is that the victim gains nothing beyond the sweat-specked jersey of a famous oppressor. There has been no discernible improvement in playing standards in these countries. A cynic might suspect that Uefa and Fifa votes play a part somewhere.

One wonders how many people who tuned in at 8pm back home were still watching at 9pm when San Marino and England trotted back out to continue the execution. For England, of course, there is the serious business of a return to the land where Rooney kicked the legs of a Montenegrin defender and therefore was suspended for the first two games of England's Euro 2012 group.

The gains were that Rooney had another game to keep him sharp before Podgorica, Leighton Baines won another cap and Chris Smalling gained more experience. England pretty much know how they want to play now and all Hodgson's sides are comfortable with the patterns.

Oxlade-Chamberlain is another bound to benefit from game time, especially as he is not guaranteed such a thing at Arsenal. It was also pleasing to see Leon Osman in an England shirt again, as a second-half replacement for Rooney, who scored England's sixth.

Rio Ferdinand, cheering on "the lads" from Doha via Twitter, could have played in this game even from that distance. His talent alone would have kept San Marino at bay, by osmosis. This was one of those nights when the great democracy of qualifying felt more like an exercise in humiliation, with no possible gain for the ancient republic trampled by expensive English footwear.