A survey says that youngsters prefer to confide in friends rather than talk to their parents about issues other than education and career. DNA finds out if there is a generation gap emerging between guardians and adolescents.
Encourage honesty about relationships
It is true that most children are not comfortable about talking to their parents. It happens because the family doesn’t maintain open communication with members. Sometimes when they talk, they merely prescribe dos and don’t for their children. In this way, a child sometimes absorbs the vibes and knows what the reaction will be, if they ask for something. So they hide things from parents. Parents must understand that if their children tell them about everything, they will be in a better position to guide them. It is important to tell children an appropriate reason for disallowing them late night parties or a picnic. Lack of openness can make a child an introvert; they will be unable to take a decision even at a later stage. As far as relationships are concerned, they must understand that their children will be attracted to the other sex.
—Veena Chakravarthy, clinical psychologist,
Psychotherapy and Counselling Centre
Don’t be judgmental or too formal with kids
The ambience at home and the relationship which parents have with their children play an important role. Children easily open up to parents who are friendly rather than the ones who are authoritative. If the atmosphere and culture of talking to each other is there, then children will open up without hesitation. Conservative attitude should be avoided, it will only deter children. Another reason which leads to disconnect among elders and children is the fact that many parents tend to be judgmental. Parents need to think from a child’s point of view too. Many parents don’t treat their children especially teenagers as growing adults. Whenever they share their views the most common reply is ‘you aren’t old enough’. Such reaction only puts off the children and they become aloof. Healthy discussion is important for both parties.
—Bharat Shah, psychologist, Lilavati hospital
Trust them and give sufficient freedom
I’m close to my children and we discuss everything. In nuclear families, parents are closer to their children and are open to discussing matters freely. But for this, it’s vital that parents give their children enough time. I talk to my children about their interests, friends, weekend plans, sports and I’m well informed about everything that is happening in their life. Although my son willingly shares everything with me, my daughter is more comfortable discussing matters with my wife. I don’t have problems with my children’s friends, since I know most of them and we should trust youngsters and give them freedom.
—Paresh Panchmatiya
Children need some space in their teens
It is the duty of a parent to create an amiable and informal atmosphere at home. I always try to understand certain matters from their point of view, or try to feel what they must be going through at any point of time. Sometimes I have to reprimand them or tell them that they are not doing something right. In such situations, I try to make them understand, why I’m putting such a restriction. Mostly they understand and appreciate my rationale. Then I let them decide what they want. They respect me for this approach. Their friends are free to come home whenever they want to. I recognise their need for space.
—Subhash Lakeshri
Generation gap exists only in some issues
I share a good bond with parents, but you can’t discuss everything with them. I talk to my parents about my friends, academic performance, movies and many other matters. Sometimes we go shopping together. But at the same time, I feel comfortable talking about things with my friends, since we are in the same age group and basically because I spend more time with them. So for certain issues the generation gap exists. I think it is a natural tendency that teenagers are open about confiding with their friends, rather than elders at home. It’s important that we are truthful about whatever we share with them.
—Shweta Shah, 20
Concern prompts them to discuss academics
Today to some extent, parents tend to focus more on academics and career. But it doesn’t imply that they aren’t interested in knowing about their child’s interests and dislikes or that they don’t share a good rapport. Today since both parents are working, they don’t spend much time with their children. But parents and children know that they can rely on their parents, if some urgency arises, so basically they know that guardians will always be there for them. For certain subjects, one will feel a certain amount of disconnect with parents, since they may not necessarily be aware into everything that we want to discuss.
—Khusboo Jain, 19
My daughter has become my best friend
If I have to describe my relationship with my child, then I can proudly say that my daughter is my best friend. Both of us frankly discuss sensitive issues which matter during a youngster’s growing years. We have a very good understanding due to our honest rapport. It happens when a family has a friendly atmosphere. I don’t have an issue when she comes home with her a male friend. Even if I have a different point of view on an issue, I try to give the reason for that. She also trusts me and I completely believe her. She is aware of what is good for her and can take her own decision. We make her feel that she is very much a part of our family and involve her in taking many decisions.
—Archana Panjwani
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