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Look who isn't cooking

Why is it that the kitchen is always a woman's responsibility? Gender biases find more heat in the kitchen

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Dia Pinto (left) hates everything to do with the kitchen whereas Debashish Bhattacharya (right), an ex-hotelier, often receives compliments for his cooking
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"I am not proud of the fact that I don't cook," begins an apologetic 33-year-old Kanupriya Agarwal. Bad? You ask. "Aren't we made to feel bad about it?"

Mumbai-based Agarwal is a parenting blogger and founder of an online hyper-local networking group of women — Powai Women Networking. She lives with her husband and four-year-old child, and runs the house with domestic help who clean, wash and cook. "My husband is understanding and doesn't mind ordering food when the cook is out. For my son, I prepare a quick milkshake or whip up something simple. But I can't prepare a meal. Once my son wanted me to make kheer and I posted about it on Facebook. My mother-in-law immediately called me asking why I couldn't make it. She expects me to prepare complicated things, I try but I am not good at it," says Agarwal who is annoyed that even though she is capable of doing the basics and wants to learn cooking, she is often made to feel that she can't cook at all.

Her mother was the first to introduce her to this challenge saying, "If you don't learn cooking, how will you feed your children."

'Khana toh banana hi padega'

Gurgaon-based Dia Pinto hates everything to do with the kitchen but was introduced to cooking when she was 10 by her mother, in Jabalpur. "She is quite progressive but still believes that there are certain jobs that women should do in the house," says 46-year-old Pinto. Women are generally expected to cook or know how to. Whether working or not, the responsibility, with or without house help, lies conventionally on their shoulders.

A post on Facebook which asked, "How many women do not cook at all?" received responses thick and fast, mostly from women who don't like cooking but are driven to it by convention. While working women could get away with it by hiring a cook, home makers were often left with no choice. "I don't enjoy it but I cook since there is no choice," posts Mumbai-based Manisha Hinduja Chhabria who also runs a small jewellery business through Facebook. According to her, being a housewife and a mother, one can't avoid preparing food for the family.

Maid wouldn't cook in our house

"I hate cooking but it's not acceptable at home. Though he (the husband) has accepted that the food will never taste as good as it does in restaurants," says Bangalore-based Sumana Guruprasad. "There is no alternative, keeping a cook costs a lot. My husband knows how to cook but doesn't like cooking either," she adds. Indian tradition further fuels the fire, keeping men away from the kitchen since cooking is largely seen as a woman's job.

Delhi-based Vedwati Solanki was shocked to find that her sister-in-law had problems in her months old wedding. Her in-laws opposed the idea of having a cook in the house when the new bride could easily fit the bill. "She is a dentist by profession and pursuing DMD (Doctor of Dental Medicine). She goes to college, has assignments and exams, and moreover spends four hours a day commuting,'' says Solanki and adds, "Women can't work round-the-clock. They need rest like men too."

Vindhya Undurti, Chairperson, School of Gender Studies, TISS Hyderabad, observes that for centuries women have been expected to be the nurturer while men, the provider. "The role of provider translates into more control and access to resources, whereas women were denied access to education since they were designated to household chores," she says.

57-year-old Debashish Bhattacharya, an ex-hotelier, who looks after the cooking in his house says, "I often receive compliments when they learn that I am the cook in my kitchen. It often makes me wonder if women receive as many compliments."

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