When you step out

I was about 16, living in Dubai, when I first heard Freddie Mercury and Lady Gaga’s music. I didn’t know why but their songs made me feel less lonely for being different. They made me feel like the person I was meant to be; the person I am today. Mercury and Gaga (both well-known as queer musicians) made me realise that being different wasn’t a bad thing and that I should embrace it and live openly as a queer person.

The realisation that I was pansexual and gender-fluid hit me when I was 18, after months of introspection and research. I never shied away from coming out. I had seen enough people struggle with it throughout their lives, unable to admit it to themselves and to people around them. I couldn’t be that person. I didn’t want to be that person.

Being queer in India, more so a queer woman, is scary. One of my biggest reasons for coming out is to encourage more queer women and trans men to live their lives openly. 

Queer women fear ostracism and they are right. The actions of Indian women are observed with the biggest socio-cultural microscopes, day in and day out. What we do, what we wear, and who we are. Why must society make it harder for queer Indian women to come out, especially when we already struggle with rampant misogyny from politicians, being sexually harassed in the workplace, having unnecessary taxes levied on our hygiene products, and being unable to walk in public spaces by ourselves?

Ever since my public coming out, people have approached me on how to find the courage to come out. My coming out to my parents was a complete accident. They discovered my account on Fifty Shades of Gay and were convinced it was a phase. They even tried to get a professional counselor to disprove I was queer. Now they don’t mention it and seem to live in a state of denial.

I have struggled with incessant body shaming and bullying in school, being called a liar and an attention seeker on social media, and faced interventions by “concerned” relatives and godmen. 

But being queer and coming out is one of the best things to happen to me. It’s given me the courage to write. It’s given me the courage to act. And it’s given me the courage to say a huge “f*ck you” to all the people who have made me feel lesser than who I should be.Tell us how you came out of the closet at sexualitydna@gmail.com