When a doughnut is better than sex

According to reports, there are more single people living in some of our metros than ever before. I did a quick recap of my friends, and realised that on an average, out of the 10 people I know who are living in Mumbai, Delhi, and Bangalore, almost eight are single and well into their 30s.

What’s more, almost all of them seem to be having a great life — work, travel, friends, parties, passion, and hobbies. A sassy woman has been kayaking in New Zealand, another just sky dived in LA, the other guy has just been on a fantastic trek in the Himalayas, and the rest are either into causes bigger than themselves, or in jobs that I would give and arm and a leg for.

While most of them are single by choice, some have been married, divorced, or separated. They either have an active sex life or they are asexual. But they all seem to be okay with the way things are. At least for the most of it. 

Asexuality is perhaps one of the least acknowledged reality of our lives. You will run into such men and women all the time — they seem perfectly happy, centred, and active. It is just that sex is not really on top of their minds.

That does not mean they are cold — their passions lie elsewhere.

One such women is a friend, who has only recently come to terms with this aspect of her personal life. She has had a string of relationships in the past — some intense physical ones as well — only to realise that a mid-night snack of gooey dark chocolate doughnut with a custard filling  is perhaps better than sex on toast. “Does it make me abnormal?” Heck no! She still makes for fabulous company, has a fulfilling life, and sometimes pops up on dating apps — just to meet new and possibly interesting people.

I think the moment we stop trying to label relationships and people we will be able to truly liberate ourselves. Being in a relationship may not always be about great sex, while that is definitely an add-on. Being married has nothing to do with having a great relationship either. But yes, it does help.

Are more and more people learning how to have a great relationship with themselves before anything else? Perhaps. And it also perhaps leads to the realisation that it is about time we stopped looking at sex through the prism of social and cultural sanctions.

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