Rainbow Guru: Where can I educate myself about this very colourful community that is full of love?

Hello Sushant. I was talking to my mother-in-law about the LGBTQ community, and to my surprise she knew lot more about it than I did. Where can I educate myself about this very colourful community that is full of love?

Yes, mother-in-laws are capable of being cool despite how they are portrayed in daily soaps. They are not vamps – they are intelligent, self-made individuals in sync with everything that is happening around them.

You can be just like her by surfing the Internet for journals, articles, research and even watching TV shows and web series. There is an array of material to choose from which will sensitise you and anyone that wants to make the effort to understand the basic notion of equality and love without labels. My favourite show right now is ‘The Queer Eye’ — it’s amazing and you must watch it.

You can also read Lakshmi Narayan Tripathi’s book ‘Me Lakshmi, Me Hijra’ on being a transgender activist and public figure in a time where our lovely trans-sisters are ill-treated. She writes about how she rose above all the hate to bring respect to her fellow transgenders. If I come across anything else worthwhile, I will post it on my social media accounts.

Big hugs to you and an extra one for your MIL. 

Sushant-ji, I come from a small city in Rajasthan called Bikaner. I am gay and my family does not support me. They hit me and tell me everything will be okay if I marry a girl. I don’t want marry any woman. Please help me. 

Namaskar! I have been to Rajasthan many times and absolutely love Bikaner. I know a couple of people from the city who are from the LGBTQ community. Some of them are not out in the open because they face similar problems. Please make sure that you get help from an LGBT support group or a help group which can also try and sensitise your family.

Do not succumb to pressure from your parents; they will soon realise that nothing is ‘abnormal’.

Above everything else, you are not their ‘straight’ child or their ‘gay’ child — you are their CHILD and deserve to be loved unconditionally. This is the most important thing for them to understand.

You could try speaking to someone from your extended family that might be willing to have this conversation with your immediate kin.

If the family is forcing you into marriage, explain to them that you will not magically turn straight after sleeping with a woman (and ruining her life, in turn). Ask them how they would feel if the tables were turned – if a gay man was forced to marry your sister. Would they enjoy seeing her life being ruined?

Don’t worry. If it gets too far, you can seek professional help, and relocate to safeguard your integrity and dignity. Parents usually come around and I hope yours love and accept you for who you are. A big hug from me for now.

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Write to him at sexualitydna@gmail.com

(Psychologist and performer, Mr Gay World India 2014 Sushant Divgikar is your counsellor, guide and conscience through the choppy waters of sexuality)