Chandrima Pal: Two to Tango

Have you wondered why most Indian men are so bad at flirting and so good at teasing and stalking?  

Italian men are known to be compulsive flirts. There is something in the air of that country that turns their boys to glib talkers, with the ability to make every woman feel special. A dear friend’s late mother once told us how she had visited Italy with her husband, long after motherhood. The children were holidaying with the grandparents, while she — a gorgeous woman — and her husband went on the honeymoon that they never had. Everywhere she went, she was greeted with whistles and cheerful, romantic overtures. She did not mind. Rather, she enjoyed it. Her husband, a damn good looking man in those days, handled it well. Maybe because the flirting never really got intrusive, or oppressive. The men would never persist if they realised that the woman did not like the attention.

I imagine a certain Vikas Barala of Chandigarh is wondering why his attempts at having a little fun have been so badly misconstrued. After all, women love the attention, don’t they? At least that’s what they show in films — a ‘no’ in most cases, is a ‘yes’. If they are okay with firangs appreciating their good looks, what’s wrong with a desi boy doing the same?

The difference is in the intent; and the sense of entitlement and misplaced machismo that the Baralas of the world are driven by.

My friend’s mother would have definitely felt offended if her Italian admirers used crass words, gestures or pursued with intentions other than just getting a wee bit frisky. You see, if you really want to woo a woman, you are not supposed to terrorise her. You can get away with the silliest pick-up line if you come across as an earnest fellow who needs some practice with his social skills. But corner her, intimidate her, stalk her, or smother her with your attention, and chances are, she has already crossed you out as a psycho and potential rapist.

It is really unfortunate that in our land of some legendary lovers, the modern Indian male struggles to find the right vocabulary and body language to win over a woman without getting arrested for it. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that the concept of willing participation has been swept under intensifying misogyny. We need to remind our men that there is greater fun to be had when both parties are equally interested. After all, it takes two to tango.

(Scribbler, scribe, traveller Chandrima Pal takes you through the sexual landscape of today)

SPEAK UP

Did you like this?
Write to us at sexualitydna@gmail.com