The China syndrome strikes back

Chandni Chowk to China
Cast: Akshay Kumar, Deepika Padukone, Ranvir Shorey
Director: Nikhil Advani
Rating : * 1/2

I might have been put off hakka noodles and chilli potatoes for life – and I blame director Nikhil Advani, writers Shridhar Raghavan, Rajat Arora and actor Akshay Kumar for that.

Warner Bros’s big budget attempt at making a mark on the mainstream is a travesty from scene 1.

On paper this film had potential. A cook from Chandni Chowk prays to Ganpati bappa, visits every baba and pujari in the hope of changing his fortunes until he finally gets a ticket to new adventures, all the way in China.

In his luggage is a potato with Ganpati features. On paper it should have been better than Singh is Kinng with the cast, crew and producers the film boasts of. But beyond theory in practice you need script, dialogues, visual grammar, editing, music and decent performances to engage audiences on this long journey.

Alas, what we are presented with is a completely incoherent script and a grammar that is some version of Chinglish – incomprehensible and confused. Is it a spoof, an action-comedy, a heroic tale of the underdog or just an over-cooked, overly flavoured mixed veg that is likely to give you Delhi belly?

It does not help that none of the characters are likeable enough to earn your loyalty or sympathy, not even Akshay Kumar as the luckless Sidhu. He plays the bumbling fool (yet again) throughout, never rising to the occasion of a strong fighter who finds his inner strength, confidence and spirit.

Deepika Padukone is an excellent mannequin for Chinese styles. She endears herself marginally as Sakhi, a model for all things ‘Made in China’, and impresses with her stunts as Meow Meow. Ranvir Shorey looks lost in the ridiculous part of a Chinese fortune-teller. Of the Chinese cast, Roger Yuan as Chiang, the Kung fu master, is impressive.

The poorly rendered special effects are compensated for by some well-choreographed and performed stunts, but none that will blow you away. After an arduous first half, the post interval proceedings are more tolerable, with a few well executed sequences (like Sidhu’s Kung fu training and the meeting of the estranged twin sisters) and some laughs.

Chandni Chowk to China comes across as a parody that’s playing to the westernised mindset of the absurdity of Bollywood formula blended with B grade Hong Kong action movies. On all counts, it’s extremely disappointing.