Pluto phootoh!

Last week Darrel Hair raised his finger and pointed at the sky. There's been another case of ball tampering. But this time it wasn't Pakistan, but the International Astronomical Union, which dropped the ninth ball orbiting around the sun and kicked it out of the solar system.

However, Pluto hasn't taken this humiliation kindly, especially its debilitating demotion as a dwarf planet. In fact, at this very moment, Pluto is weighing its options in legal terms. For example, in America, it might file for damages on the grounds of racial discrimination. And in India, it threatens to pull down a coalition government unless classified as an OBC (Outstanding Body Celestial) with all reservation privileges under minority quota politics. And in some other parts of the world, Pluto might join the Holy War against three-fourths of Planet Eart.

It's believed that a direct flight to Pluto would take 47 years. But a brief stopover on Jupiter, simply to boost the flight using the giant planet's gravitational field, would reduce that duration to 25 years! Either way, such a flight would be a nightmare to any sky marshal watching frequent flyers from India who behave suspiciously by opening their hand baggage to reveal khakhras and jalebi-ghatiyas, which they gleefully distribute among themselves and then capture this moment on their cell phones with camera. 

The International Astronomical Union has shown insensitivity of astronomical proportions towards Pluto. It's unfortunate that this bunch of star-gazers doesn't realise how tough it is being the farthest planet from the sun, especially when you want a nice tan or dry clothes in the open. In their defence, the astronomers have accused Pluto of misleading them for the last 75 years by making a complete mockery of their motto - "size does matter". They say Pluto must count its lucky stars for being allowed to enjoy all the perks of a planet even though it's smaller than the moon.

That apart, Pluto, who shares its name with the Roman God of Underworld, is accused of influencing the rise of organised crime in America and fascism across Europe immediately after the planet's discovery in 1930!

Meanwhile, back on Earth, a dog named Pluto has slipped into depression. While it's been humiliating for him to be known as the pet of a rat called Mickey Mouse, he now has to live with the fact that the planet he was named after is no longer a planet!

sureshnair2004@gmail.com