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That’s the question tossed in my direction at least five times a day.Meaningless though it is in the way it is phrased, that query really needs no elaboration: both questioner and questionee know what it is about.It’s about the elections and everyone wants to know how it’s going to pan out.

I have never been regarded as a serious political pundit because I give the honest answer, which is “I don’t know.” But this time around even the pundits are keeping a watchful eye and a shut mouth: in a difficult-to-call election, things are getting more and more complex because equations change every day, both inter-party and intra-party.

It would be a very reckless expert indeed, who ventures out from his perch on the fence. These equations have got even more complicated for one reason: both the main parties have shown that they have become ace marksmen.They can shoot any target with unerring accuracy provided it’s right next to them. And what can be closer than their own foot? Change the metaphors to the slightly less violent game of football and what we have are two teamsthat face each other as they should, but when the starting whistle goes, they take the ball, run the wrong way and score an own goal!

LK Advani wants Narendra Modi to campaign for him but is wary of the latter’s rising star; Arun Jaitley gets into a public spat with Rajnath Singh; the party is so bereft of ideas that it clutches at straws like Varun Gandhi who goes from inconsequential fat boy to “BJP leader” all in one day. Should the party stress the economic downturn and blame it on the Congress? Should it revert to its old Hindutva plank instead and when it talks of infrastructure does it really mean it wants to build the Ram temple? Profound questions to which the party has no answer.

As for the Congress, it has shown a holier-than-thou arrogance completely inappropriate to its total strength. Why would it not fight the elections nationally under the UPA umbrella and instead opt for state by state seat-sharing agreements which have seen its allies dump it here and there?And which genius chose to give tickets to Jagdish Tytler and Sajjan Kumar in an election when the Congress was actually ahead of the Akalis in the Punjab opinion polls? How did it allow its staunch ally Lalu Prasad Yadav to suddenly jump ship and the other Yadav, Mulayam Singh to feel slighted?

In this scenario, all those with 14 karat ambitions have seen the figure jump to 24, including the aptly named (as he sees it) CPM boss himself: “There was a different context when Jyoti Basu was told by the politburo not to accept the prime ministership,”he said, “Now the situation is different.” Of course it is: it’s not Jyotibabu in the running any more, it’s Prakash Karat.

The comedy continues: Deve Gowda sees his chance to fall asleep in the PM’s chair again, and to do unto India what he has done unto Bangalore, while Sharad Pawar attends or does not attend Third Front meetings depending on which way the wind is blowing (when it blows in a particular direction, his helicopter cannot take off).

Their ambition is nearly naked, but not nearly as naked as that of two ladies who swathe themselves with miles of clothing. The amazing thing is that with the advent of Behenji Mayawati, Jayaho Jayalalitha seems a picture of restraint. Both have millions of admirers who donate their hard-earned rupees to them out of sheer love (for being there) and gratitude (for accepting their humble contributions). If their riches could grow at suchgalloping rates when they ruled only at the state level, imagine how they would take off at the national level!

Watch the comedy unfold day after day. See it on your screen, read about it in the papers. But don’t laugh out too loud. The joke is on you. The joke is on us.