Comment

The Maharashtra government’s decision tointroduce sex education in schools raised the usual storms of protest. Why is one not surprised? The ruckus raised a counter-ruckus from the so-called enlightened crowd, which saw the concernsexpressed by conservative parents and legislators as typical moral policing, even prudish.

While I am all for telling kids about birds and bees, the real issue is different. The very term “sex education” conjures up the wrong images in the Indian context. People think it is more about sex and less about education; they think it is about giving youth a licence to be promiscuous when the aim could be quite the opposite. The idea is to help them make the right choices.

If the core message is being lost in the din, the right thing to do is to focus not on “sex” education, but gender sensitisation, human values, improving teenagers’ understanding of their own sexuality, and teaching genuine respect for members of the other sex. This cannot happen without helping childrendevelop a healthy self-esteem.

For many people, sex education is about “how to do it”. Far from it. Just as every child is born with the ability to suckle, no human being comes without the knowledge of how to reproduce. Indians do not lack for information about sex, but are plagued by wrong expectations, wrong notions, and a very poor sense of self-esteem.

At the core, the Indian family has a skewed focus — with societal obligations and children given more importance than the primary relationship between spouses.

When this equation is less than solid, it leads to all kinds of other problems. For example, Indian mothers develop an unnatural stake in boy children because of a weak relationship with the husband. This, in turn, guarantees spoilt boys —when they grow up, they expect their wives to be gratification agents — and great mothers. Here it is counselling, not sex education, that’s going to be of help.

In fact, I would argue that the right place to begin sex education is not with children, but adults. Once they understand each other better, they will impart the right attitudes to their children.

Without parental and teacher education on sexuality, imparting sexual knowledge to children is practically useless. They will get no support or reinforcement of what they learn from their elders.

The non-sex part of education is equally vital. For example, every girl needs to be given basic training in self-defence and assertiveness to fend off unwelcome advances. If there is no rape in the animal kingdom, it’s because females know how to say no effectively.

Simultaneously, boys have to be taught that a ‘no’ is not the same as complete
rejection of the person. This is where self-esteem is critical in sex education. Without healthy male self-esteem, you are not going to see any reduction in crimes against women.

Real sex education and gender sensitisation starts at home from day one in a child’s life. If parents fail to treat one another with respect, one cannot expect the child to develop respect for members of the other sex later in school.

One more point needs to be made. Contrary to popular belief that it is girls that need a lot of support, I believe that disproportionate thought needs to be given to the development of boys.

The problems faced by girls are easy to define: discrimination, predetermined gender roles, and lack of a healthy atmosphere that is free from fear and intimidation. In the case of boys, the answers are not so obvious in a world where their past skills (risk-taking, brute strength, competitive behaviour) are looking increasingly out of place.

We know what they mustn’t do, but do we know much about how they can be given a positive self-image for growth? These are questions society needs to answer first before we glibly talk about sex education. Sex is secondary to self-esteem.
Email: r_jagannathan@dnaindia.net