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Women like fantasy romances: feminists, learn to live with it

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle and a woman needs a bedtime romance like a man needs a life-size rubber doll. Actually, a woman is needy for a man (whether she actually needs him or not like you need a plumber when the sink is clogged is outside my area of semiotic or semantic expertise) at many times in her life. She is also in need of a bedtime romance when a) there is no man b) there is man but the wrong one or c) when the right man has become a snoring bore. This leaves a window of about three months when a woman does not need the promise of romance in her life because she is in the honeymoon period of lurve.

Old Chinese proverb: A husband gained is a lover lost. Oooooh, haven’t we just shaken that can of worms and I don’t mean men. A recent chance visit to a panel discussion on popular romance versus what is known as chick lit versus the feminist perspective led to a darshan with a species I had forgotten existed: The Feminist.

We’ve all been there, of course, but in varying degrees of hysteria and yes, I do have enough semantics to know that that’s a derogatory word derived from the Greek for uterus. When the feminist movement began, stridency and hysteria were imperative so that people would pay attention. Although the eastern and western parts of the globe had differing methods of oppression and degradation of women there can be no doubt that women have been despicably treated for thousands of years. The past 100 years have shown a dramatic change in the affairs of men and the tide has turned towards women. More is to come.

But still I bet you, women have needed men more than fish will ever need bicycles. It’s a worn, tired argument this one about women not needing men. Why not enjoy men instead, with the newfound confidence that this 100-year battle has given us? And if it is women you prefer, enjoy them too. It’s not even illegal in India, though it is for men who like men, poor dears.

To get back to the discussion. On the panel were some successful female writers, who had carved their own paths in a man’s world and come out on top. They were largely indulgent about popular romances. So were the older women in the audience. You read such books usually as a young girl, and thrilled as tough sinews melded with trembling soft lips or whatever. In my day, it wasn’t quite soft porn but a kiss could go on for a couple of pages. Today, a lot more happens and many times, or so I’ve been told.

But no, The Feminists in the audience and panel didn’t like it. Because the men in the books were too perfect. They had almost no flaws. And even if the women were successful, the men were more. The reason for this is self-evident. If you are a woman who is reading a popular romance for a bit of feel-good, wish-fulfilment escapist fantasy, you do not want a man who is less than you and whom you have to support through his weaknesses. You may know this man in real life.

The other objection was that men were being ‘objectified’ in these books. In the descriptions, they have perfect bodies which were described in mouth-watering detail. So? Unfair to men? Let them take out a morcha.And what other harm does it do? Create unreal expectations? So this woman lying in bed reading a popular romance with a hairy, belching, scratching man lying next to her has unrealistic expectations from a man in a book? Yeah, right.

The third was that the books had happy endings. Duh, say I. When you read a murder mystery you want to know who the murderer is and why she did it. If you wanted tragic romance, you can still read Tess Of The D’Ubervilles.

The Feminists, I think, should have other fish to fry, those who need bicycles and those who don’t. The fight for gender equity has made too much progress to get back into issues that were dealt with years ago and the path ahead has problems more important than popular romances.

I always thought, and this is how I was brought up, that the biggest victory for women was that of choice. We had to be free to choose for ourselves, without being forced by society, patriarchal attitudes or remnants of an older system based on male superiority. I maintain that to this day. Women have to be free to choose. That might include doing sexy dances in Hindi films, joining the army, going into outer space, being a stay-at-home mother and reading popular romances. If they are forced into any of these, then they have to stand and fight.

Actually, when it comes to popular romances, I think The Feminists have lost the war. The India head of Mills & Boon, the world’s most famous popular romance publishing house which has just been launched in this country, says four books are sold every second. That’s a lot of women choosing to be lost in a world of perfect pecs and puckered lips.

Dream on, sisters!