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Is Sanjay Dutt’s marriage to Manyata legal or not? Frankly, who cares? They appear to like each other, they got trigged out in garish wedding clothes and coyly posed for pictures, in the current style.

End of matter. All these pointless questions about whether she really belongs to Goa or not just seems idiotic and a bit like the whole migrants in Mumbai thing. Speaking of which, isn’t it about time everyone grew up on the subject?

A scan of the daily papers sometimes seems like a daily dip in the sea of triviality (somewhere on Mars, next to the naked human female who keeps running about that planet).

Why am I concerned about film star Aamir Khan’s brother who either needs psychiatric help or doesn’t or is in custody or isn’t? Important for those who care, I’m sure. Beyond that?

And what about Rakhi Sawant who has or hasn’t broken up with her boyfriend whose name I can no longer remember? I watched it on a TV new bulletin for 10 minutes.

I thought at the end of it all that they had broken up but then a colleague told me the next day that they’re back together. Whatever it is, good for them, eh? Makes no difference to my life.

Then there’s the most boring rollercoaster ride of all — this One-day cricket series in Australia. Why did we lose when we should have won?

Why did they win when they should have lost? And so on, blah blah blah. Is Ricky Ponting ruder than Harbhajan Singh? Why is Andrew Symonds the way he is? Why are we all so unbearable? Is cricket still a gentleman’s game? Was it ever a gentleman’s game? And more and more. It’s become too much.

We went through all this months ago. The Aussies are crass (brash) and we are crass (brash), end of story. Who gives a toss any more?

Now we’re all excited about this movie, Jodhaa Akbar. At least many Rajputs in Rajasthan and Gujarat are. Not in a happy way, of course. Every newspaper has told me that the Rajputs are upset over something about the film and Rajasthan culture or something.

But no one has told me exactly what. I think it is because no one knows. No one has seen the movie and by Chinese whispers, everyone has decided that the movie must inevitably have something offensive.

Usually, though, such gimmicks send more and more people to see the movie. So director Ashutosh Gowarikar and his star cast need not worry: for every Rajasthan viewer lost (who will undoubtedly watch it on pirated DVDs), is another viewer gained. Meanwhile, will someone bother to tell me what the objection is, so I can decide whether to be bothered or not?

People looking for birds in Mumbai? Wonderful? All they could see, breathless text, was an oriole, a wagtail and an owl? That sounds like very bad news — these are hardly rare species, then maybe we need to hear more about where all the birds have gone. Tell me more or don’t tell me at all. Why not tell me why in a city of 18 million only 300 people decided to join the bird race?

Actually, I know. All the people were so busy following Rakhi Sawant’s love life, Aamir Khan’s brother and Sanjay Dutt’s wedding that, like me, they had no time to run after birds and count them.

It’s a wonder that even 300 people managed to tear themselves away from their television sets and newspapers to run around the city trying to tell the difference
between a crow and (can’t say sparrow because they don’t live here anymore)
a pigeon.

Yes, yes, I know, elections in Pakistan, Kosovo independent and Naxalites killed. I just couldn’t navigate to these bits of news amidst all that other scintillating stuff, see? Nor did I run after the birds.

Something tells me, I’d have been better off if I had. Maybe I’d have seen a yellow-crested, red-breasted, purple-vented item girlus bollywoodus sitting on a tree? Or was that in the newspaper anyway?
Email: b_ranjona@dnaindia.net