Column

Most articles titled such would harp on about how wine must be drunk and not just revered. Wait a minute! That’s exactly what I wanted to do. Let me at least then try and put a twist on it.

Wine and Alcohol: Sure most winemakers are egoistic eccentrics who cannot sniff and tell anything in any wine except the one that comes from a geographic radius not larger than their own girth but that doesn’t mean it is all they drink.

Most winemakers love sparkling wine. They even adore Ports. Others will not shy away from even whisky and brandies. And if you are clever and lucky enough, you may even catch them clutching passionately at a bottle of some local sweet stuff that they would otherwise never escort at any social gathering.

You could say that a lot of alcohol is needed to make a good wine. The essence of what I am trying to say is that winemakers are people too. It’s a tough job and the vineyards are picturesque but solitary. We remember the glam that envelopes the good wine we drink but the 364 days which precede that are pure hard work.

Bordeaux and Bombay: Great cultures discuss cuisines and arts. The English discuss the weather. Delhites discuss roads. Mumbai is much simpler to navigate. Most wine regions are laid out similarly.

The entire Left Bank of Bordeaux is easily accessible. One road and you pass through all the scenic bits. In short, if you can manage to figure out getting from Parel to Vile Parle, getting from Medoc to Pauillac will be a cinch for you. Delhites may however try to argue a different possible route.

Grapes and People: I must admit that I am bad at names. I remember faces but names… Grape names too cause me that embarrassment. I can remember certain wine tastes and styles but ask me which Chateau/Domaine/house I tasted and you will get the deer-in-the-headlamps look sweep across my face.

I think it’s true what they say about alcohol making you forget things. The only way around my dilemma is that I try and taste as often as possible, in the vain hope that some names and taste associations will stick. And that is how I have come to become what they call a sociable dandy.

Wine Glasses and Cutlery: A dollar for anybody who can claim to know all their cutlery at a formal dining table. No hands eh? Maybe because it’s the low dollar exchange rate; nobody’s interested. Ah well. But I kid you not.

Many corporate-types are often accosted by the problem of which fork where and when. My rule is simple, make sure that the fork fits the service dish/plate just as the wine should fit the glass (as in it is not a weak wine in a huge-bowled glass or a robust wine in tiny stemware). And more importantly, make sure that both are inserted in that one same orifice called your pie-hole.

This was a small attempt at demystification. But you get the idea. Remember that rule for public speaking: if nervous while addressing a crowd, imagine everyone sitting in their underwear.

Well, similarly, next time someone hands you a glass or a bottle and expects you to comment, imagine them in pink inners. The person that is, not the wine. That would be disturbing...
The writer is a sommelier.