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A provocative headline like that is meant to wake you up on a lazy Sunday. So, if you have woken up, just read what follows.

For, it will affect your grand plans for the future. It will affect your most cherished possession, the numerical code that distinguishes you economically and genetically from other species in the neighbourhood: your GP.

It is your gross package, stupid.

The story, which sounds like an organisational fable, took place yesterday (Saturday). I found my friend, an HR strategist working with an MNC, rather distraught. He had heard Bal Thackeray’s front page roars against crass cricket auctions.

But why would the super-Sainik worry an MNC warrior?

“What if all talent is auctioned? What if organisations start bidding for CEOs, managers, doctors, mediapersons, lawyers? What if a housewife bids for a maid from North India on a computer in Mumbai connected to a server in Chennai?

And, what if a global internet firm, based in Kolkata, has employees (all virtual) from Maharashtra? Would the company be considered parochial or pan-Indian? And would such bidding be considered crass and anti-Maharashtrian?”

Well, what was my friend thinking? And which Thackeray was he reacting to-R, U or B? What was the rub of the issue?

“Well, one has to think positively,” said my friend, wearing a Paulo Coelho-cum-Edward de Bono thinking cap.

“The North Indian issue concerns India’s HR managers more than its politicians. Let us start with the organisation. It comprises of four types of people: brainstormers, nostalgics, detachers and cosmopolitans.

“Brainstormers are the organsition’s ideators; they read a lot and can bring a global perspective to the table; they can tell you whether Michael Porter or Rama Bijapurkar is in fashion. But they contribute on a need-to-add-value basis.

“Nostalgics, or loyalists, are the organisation’s glue; they hold it together. They may even remember the colour of the first zunka bhakar served in the company’s canteen or its first coat of paint. They are walking wikipedias of institutional memory, including vintage office romances.

“Detachers have found a new art of living in the organisation. Nothing fazes them, not even falling sales or TRPs. In the final phase of their careers, they even detach themselves from the idea of detachment.

“Cosmopolitans, representing a diverse India, are the true executors. They work across functions and do not hesitate to shift jobs at the drop of a penny. Very much in demand, their GPs multiplying, they always deliver.

“Remember: each of the four has a role to play. Together, they represent the organisation. Just like Ben Hur’s four Arabian horses, two of which had to be quick, one slow, one steady.”

But how does all that connect with our jobs, I asked

“Oh, it is simple. Cricket has shown how fungible talent is; you can bid for it across national and global borders. But the price of talent will keep soaring, and organisations will keep fretting. Auctions put a premium on talent. What I am proposing is the reverse auction.

“Here, the lowest bid wins. If A wants to work in an organisation, he bids. He offers his services for, say, Rs300,000 a month. Now, if B says he is willing to work for Rs 275,000, why wouldn’t the organisation hire him?

“You can easily have reverse auctions for three types of people in the organisation: brainstormers, nostalgics and detachers. But since cosmopolitans are in demand, reverse auction will not be possible soon. But it is worth a shot.

“After all, talent is a commodity. It is a standardised, templated, expression of productivity. You don’t need a genius to figure that out. A reverse auction will level the playing field. It will de-emphasise the place of origin. It will provide sons of the soil an opportunity to get their roots in the organisation. It will help the organisation to get talent at a competitive price. Nobody will say it is crass, since it will push down gross packages.”

“Our objective is not to push down salaries but to provide equitable employment to all. We believe that a reverse auction will help us do that.”

Next time you wake up with a GP hangover, please remind yourself: your reverse auction has begun. And, already, there are 10 Maharashtrians, 19 Biharis, 16 Goans and 17 Kashmiris bidding.

Email:vinaykamat@dnaindia.net