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The dude who laughed at his father’s drooping shoulders and swore he would never join the rat race now looks at himself in the mirror and sees a rodent who strangely resembles his own father. Yes, after a while we do turn into our parents.
But that was then. Things are changing. The pressures of modern life are not limited to giving your children a fine education and putting them through art class, or ensuring that your increment stays ahead of inflation or even sticking on to that dead-end job because the EMI has to be paid.
Parents of today have to also ensure that they are cool, tech-savvy and don’t sound and look like fossils. They have to be brand conscious and know the latest in jeans as well as in cocktails. In short, they should become their children.
Never has a generation been so sandwiched between the generation gone by and the generation which is growing up, and growing up fast. Parents of a generation ago were content with sticking on to one job and roles were more clearly defined.
Fathers went to work, brought home a monthly salary and took everyone on a three week long vacation to the native place or, as a special treat, to a hill station. Mothers (usually) stayed at home and made sure that lunch was packed and the homework done.
She dealt with the dhobi and the bai and the vegetable vendor. Parents were remote figures with whom you could talk about education, careers and occasionally politics but little else.
Children too knew their place. They were supposed to study and prepare for a pre-ordained career. “Your cousin will soon be appearing for a pre-med exam,” were dreaded words full of meaning. Once those words were uttered, a son would have had to muster up a lot of courage to suggest that he actually planned to become a marine engineer and go out to sea. Chef, film actor, entrepreneur? Those were outlandish career choices and a self-respecting middle-class son would choose them. Daughters didn’t choose, period.
Much has changed in just a generation. Those who grew up under that kind of dispensation have jettisoned many of their parents’ fads and foibles. They want to shed that old skin and wipe out memories of a time when there were food shortages, when telephones or cars or gas cylinders were difficult to get, when hierarchies were more rigid.
They want to embrace the new — technology, ideas and values. “I am happy with whatever my child wants to do,” a father will say. “I want my daughter to grow free, explore the world, have everything I didn’t” a mother will declare. “We are friends and confidants to our children” is a common parental refrain.
Added to the mix are the big economic and technological changes that we have seen. Never before did we have so many goods and services available to us. Today you can travel the world, spend freely and not bother to shop, “because you get everything in India.” And the internet — it has spawned its own vocabulary and culture. We feel proud to see our five year-olds familiar with online chatting.
But this puts a lot of pressure on us. We have to live up to our children’s expectations now. Don’t be uncool dad, says the teenage daughter and the father is racked by self-doubt and guilt. Here, let me show you how your cell phone works, says the son condescendingly.
And you have to think a hundred times before buying a car, because it may not meet with the approval of the family. In a quiet moment you think of the time when you had to travel by bus and a cab ride was a family treat; but you dare not say it aloud, because no one is around to listen to “lectures”.
So you join in, buy yourself an I-pod and let your child load on some of the latest music while requesting her to also include your old Kishore Kumar collection. Your wardrobe gets a lot of jeans and T-shirts.
Instead of going to your neighbourhood hair cutting saloon, you go to a trendy unisex parlour and pay the equivalent of your father’s last salary for a massage and a trim. You join a gym, you use the latest jargon. And you feel cool, because you can now blend.