Column

The news report last week about British Asians getting hot and bothered about a sex-education booklet aimed at six years olds came as a bit of light relief in the midst of grim stories about terrorism and floods. Apparently, parents were angry with the book Let’s grow with Nisha and Joe not merely because it was about sex and used six-year-old characters to discuss it, but also because one of them was an Asian girl, Nisha.

This is a bit strange, considering that ethnic minority groups abroad are constantly complaining about how text books and popular culture show only whites, with not a brown or black person in sight. When a brown child is shown — all the better to reflect the diversity of British society, no doubt — it ends up angering the Asians. British parents in general too are appalled at the manner in which this booklet shows naked pictures and asks kids to label the genitals.

But of course, this is about the birds and the bees and that is always a hot button subject. As any parent will testify, sex is the one subject guaranteed to make them uncomfortable. Even those who confess to be liberal and open-minded — I have no problems if my daughter has a boyfriend — squirm at the idea that they may have to tackle this subject. Most prefer not to think about it, others simply outsource it to the school or hope that their child will pick up information from the modern equivalent of the street corner, the Internet.

Living in denial is the preferred way and parents console themselves and their peers by saying, “kids nowadays are quite savvy, you know. They know much more than we did at their age.” Which is a bit of a cop out, but at least it avoids open discussion of the S word. A generation ago, even the word did not crop up at home; now, with glossy magazines, television channels and even newspapers beaming it at you virtually 24/7, there is no way to escape it. Best to bury one’s head in the sand and hope everything turns out right.

Yet sex is not the only uncomfortable subject in our lives now. We all know that to make way in this world, a child has to be equipped with the facts of life, except that the facts of life are not the same as they used to be even 25 years ago. And it’s not only because of technological advances either. At one time it was “don’t talk to strangers” and now it is more “don’t get into chatrooms and talk to perverted oldies masquerading as young girls”, but that is not enough. Today’s child is not merely curious about what makes him different from the girl in his class; he wants to know more about things he hears about.

For instance, a parent today is likely to be asked, “what is terrorism?” A simple query you might say, which can be answered straightforwardly too — “It is when some bad people cause harm to other, innocent people.” Yes, but this question could well be followed with more on bombs, blasts, death and so on. We find children’s question distracting and sometimes irritating — to the child, it is a way of satiating curiosity and also learning something new. Children may use the remote to check out their favourite channels, but while cruising they also catch a glimpse of blood and gore on the screen; naturally they want to know more.

Even more disturbing are questions which can be described as “communally sensitive in nature”. The surcharged social environment is bound to affect children too. I know Hindu parents who have had to deal with questions about Muslims, often laced with ignorance and prejudice. Who is to say that the same doesn’t happen in Muslim households? What parents discuss between themselves is picked up by children and if this is echoed among friends at school, it can dangerously assume the form of gospel truth. Most good schools do their best to promote harmony among communities and we are fortunate that our education system has remained largely free of the communal virus. But the virus gnaws away, burrowing in young minds and spreading its menacing message. Here the parents’ role is critical — not only do they have to suppress any such thoughts and explain why they are wrong, they must also practice what they preach, else the impact is lost. The thought of a future generation growing up with such ideas embedded into their worldview is too horrible to contemplate.

These are some of the questions one must deal with fairly and squarely. There are no simple answers, of course; how does one get into the entire complexities of why terrorism has become a part of life or why parents get divorced or why indeed a young, 14 year old girl is killed and her father arrested. But not facing these issues is no answer either. If an elder doesn’t reply, the child will simply go out and get his or her curiosity satisfied through other means and it is more than possible that the information will be misleading, biased, sensationalist or simply wrong. That will have long-term repercussions on a growing child’s psyche. Parents therefore must learn to cope with parenting, modern style. There is no point longing for the days when “Daddy, what is sex” was the toughest question a father faced.

Email: sidharht01@dnaindia.net