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When a Honda Accord smashed into a pani-puri cart, my buddy Jaykay stopped coming out for early morning walks, jogs, and conversations on Carter Road.

His doctor told him that if he avoided morning walks, his chances of suffering a cardiac arrest would rise by 15 percent, his insulin levels would increase by 20 percent, his blood pressure had a 30 percent chance of shooting up, his liver’s processing power would decrease by 15 percent and his lungs would be weaker by 20 percent.

In essence, the kind doctor was telling his wary patient to leap out of bed and sprint. And Jaykay was resisting.

The last time Jaykay gave up jogging — the only activity he loves doing during the day — was after the Alistair Pereira hit-and-run incident. But he mustered up enough courage to step out of the house after a month only because he believed that things would be infinitely better. But, after the latest incident, Jaykay felt it was safer to walk around hissmall 400 square metre compound instead.

So it was a big surprise when I finally found Jaykay back on the street two days ago. He had done his math and found that his chances of survival with a morning walk-and-jog were higher than being at home.

His doctor was hopelessly wrong, he told me. Just imagine, Jaykay pointed out, there are three Porshe Cayennes, five Audis, three Lexuses, 15 Mercs, five BMWs, one Humvee, and at least 30,000 other local or imported marquees in Bandra.

“But the swanky brutes that zip past me in the wee hours of the morning are SUVs. And all are driven by their slim, trim, and fitness-obsessed owners.”

Since no SUV has been caught in a hit-and-run act on Carter Road recently, my buddy believes his chances of survival as a jogger are almost 100 percent. And since few would like to potate at dawn and then dive into their SUVs and vroom, the chances of drink-driving are zilch.

Actually, the SUV argument convinced Jaykay that his doctor had figured it all right. There was too much to be lost by avoiding morning walks near the sea: ozone, peace, the hormonal rush…Even if Jaykay’s SUV statistic on

Bandra was faulty, his reasoning was flawless.But I sensed there was more to Jaykay’s new-found determination than his love for off-roaders. I was sure that he had something more profound to share with his fellow joggers. I, for one, was looking for inspiring reasons to walk or jog. And none was forthcoming.

But Jaykay’s Seven Habits For Highly Vulnerable Joggers woke me up.
1. Wear big beads around your neck. Ferraris avoid jogging monks.
2.Always make way for cars, this is their city.
3.Sense the beauty of man-made machines. They enhance urban
beauty.
4.Enjoy the pavements, they may not last long.
5. Start your walk early; the SUVs wake up late.
6. Never wear an iPod while jogging, you may not hear an
approaching off-roader.
7. There’s nothing more divine than showing off your Nikes. So jog.

But Jaykay’s pearls of pacifism didn’t end there. He said that citizens of Khar and Bandra should propose that Carter Road be turned into a racing track.

There were already two pit-stops at the two ends of the road: one a café and another, a makeshift coconut stall. Plus, cops — a police station happens to be right in the middle — could be given speed guns to monitor velocity.

In due course, says Jaykay, speed would be too commonplace and boring for the Bandra and Khar high-heeled yuppies. They would return to jogging. Some might take to cycling or Segwaying.

My thoughts raced back to Paulo Coelho’s short discourse on ‘meditation walking’. Says Coelho, in his blog: “When you walk, you are massaging and honoring the earth. In the same way, the earth is trying to help you to balance your organism and mind. Understand this relationship and try to respect it — may your steps have the firmness of a lion, the elegance of a tiger and the dignity of an emperor.”

Unfortunately for Jaykay and me, SUVs have ruthlessly snatched that dignity away from us, undignified pavement walkers.
Email: vinaykamat@dnaindia.net