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Verbal diarrhea

Whilst the debate on speaking Marathi in Maharashtra rages on in the streets, the glitterati of Mumbai blithely chatter in English on the city’s cocktail circuit.

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Whilst the debate on speaking Marathi in Maharashtra rages on in the streets, the glitterati of Mumbai blithely chatter in English on the city’s cocktail circuit.

There is nothing more entertaining than eavesdropping on the swish set as they sip champagne, tackle tangdi kababs and blissfully mangle the English language.

Some self styled society divas insist on peppering their conversation with multi-syllable words which they absolutely do not know the meaning of. These verbose vixens usually get away with their twaddle because most people they attempt to impress with their vocabulary are even more linguistically challenged than them.

They are often at their loquacious best (worst!) when Nina Manuel of After Hours shoves a mike in their face and asks them a kooky question to which they have to provide an impromptu, inane answer. The heady cocktail of booze and bombast provides for some truly priceless nuggets: “Dahling — I only eat Lobster Thumadoor and wear Ballysagoo gowns..chears..hic!”

For the benefit of these society charlatans, I am compiling a ready reckoner of the most mispronounced words overheard in Mumbai’s social circles:

EPITOME: It amazes me how many members of the beau monde brazenly enunciate this word as if it were an epic tome. It’s pronounced ‘i-pit-uh-mee’. Given that most of our chatterati are obsessed with themselves it is all the more ironic that the ‘me’ is silent in their flagrant mispronunciation of this word.

DUPLEX: Most social snobs I encounter insist on pronouncing this word as “dew-play” thinking it is a French word that rhymes with Camembert soufflé .Do they also watch films at a multiplay or rather go to a multiplex? It’s pronounced ‘dew-plex’ dummy and if you aspire to live in one then at least learn to pronounce it correctly. Touché? 

CHUTZPAH: Another favourite word employed with impunity by our social climbers and enunciated with the sheer audacity of the truly ignorant! It’s a Yiddish word meaning “unbelievable gall or insolence” and it’s pronounced “hoot-spuh” and not like some local slang for a female body part!

MOET ET CHANDON: The champagne set who so likes to snigger at those less fortunate do not realize the joke is on them when they go about quaffing bottles of bubbly and ask for their favourite “Mo-yay e Chandon”. They openly make fun of some poor waiter who proffers a glass of “Mo-wett” and feel oh-so-superior with their French enunciation. Guess what dahlings-the waiter is pronouncing it correctly and you are openly flaunting your ignorance. For the last time, there’s no way its pronounced Mo-way! It’s Mo-wett — got it?

I am always amused when society arrivistes order ‘Bordox’ wine at ‘restrauns’and talk loudly about their new ‘Yatch’ and ‘Hermeez’ bags.

Do please write in to me with any society fox passes you might have encountered.
Till then- chow..er..ciao!

 fahad@dnaindia.net

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