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Sweet fifteen and the sexual awakening

Fifteen-year-olds today no longer nurse the occasional heartbreak, they live life on the fast lane. Sexual experimentation, cosmetological changes – they're doing it all. The hardest for kids today is that their parents live in denial

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Riya had the perfect life – supportive parents, a good-looking boyfriend and many friends, among whom she was popular. And then Abhineet, a family friend, came back from the US. Riya and Abhineet had always been attracted to each other and now that he was back, Riya wanted nothing, but to be with him. She met him at a couple of house parties and sneaked out of the house in the middle of the night a couple of times, and six weeks later, she was in front of a doctor who told her that she was three weeks pregnant.

As her mother broke down, Riya panicked. "I was horrified. How can I raise a baby so soon?", she says, almost a year after the incident.

Riya is 15 and by now, she's had four boyfriends and an abortion.

Before you break out in moral indignation, here's a reality check: According to a study published by the Industrial Psychiatry Journal in 2011 on how Indian urban school adolescents understand sexuality, 30% of boys and 17% of girls admitted to some form of sexual contact, and 6% of boys and 2% of girls admitted to having had sex. The sample set involved urban Indian kids in the ninth, tenth and eleventh standards.

Fifteen-year-olds today no longer nurse the occasional heartbreak, they live life on the fast lane. Sexual experimentation, cosmetological changes – they're doing it all. A Delhi-based journalist reveals that her 15-year-old sister in Mumbai decided to come out on her homosexuality on twitter. "It took me a long time to tell you this, but I like girls," she tweeted. It is a telling comment of the times we live in.

Prakash Kothari, a well-known sexologist who founded the first department of sexology at Mumbai's KEM Hospital, says the number of parents trickling in seeking help for issues that their children face has steadily increased over the years. "Most kids do not get the sex education they deserve, and usually rely on friends or older siblings, who have their own limitations," says Kothari. "Friends, who might conjure up fantasies for facts, are the libraries or laboratories of sexual education."

The hardest for kids today is that their parents live in denial. Sex was taboo when today's parents were children; even Bollywood was of no help: all you'd see for a kiss on screen were faces hidden by flowers. That generation did not need breast augmentation the week before they went to college.

Homosexuality was out of question, too. Child psychologist Dr Anjali Nayar remembers the time the confused parents of a trans-dressing child came to her. "I steered the conversation towards the possibility that he may be into men. The father was so infuriated that they left in a huff," says Dr Nayar. "Most kids come here nursing a heartbreak, but often more serious issues tumble out." Like, for instance, Riya. Or, the time when a girl found out that she and her best friend were dating the same guy. They could not blame him though, because both had agreed to multiple partners, and both had several boyfriends themselves. "Turns out one of the girls was dating the boy's brother, too. We can only imagine the complications these children deal with day in and day out."

A cosmetologist with a prominent skin clinic reveals that, over the last few years, her clients are becoming younger; last year she had almost nine 15-year-olds request her for anything from lip jobs to liposuction and breast augmentations. "How do I tell them that their breasts are not as developed as, say Priyanka Chopra or Angelina Jolie, because they are still young," says the cosmetologist, who did not want to be named. She adds that parents take the easy way out and give in, citing peer pressure.

"Kids are far more sexually active today; abortions, post-coital tablets are seen as the norm, not as something wrong. They are quite casual about sex," says Dr Sunita Gupta, a gynaecologist. "At most times, parents don't even know that the child has terminated a pregnancy."

"They need to be able to differentiate between love and lust. They may desire someone, and that need is tremendous when your hormones are raging," says Dr Kothari. "Also they are told that masturbation will lead to tuberculosis, infertility and death, which is wrong. They must be allowed to channelise that energy, and taught that there is no difference between a vagina or a folded palm."

The concept of gender, too, needs to be handled delicately, which many parents are not mature enough to do. Brushing aside the issue as just one of curiosity will only worsen matters, says Dr Arvind Gupta, a child psychologist. He had a client who forced his son into marriage at 18 because they found out that he was attracted to men. "He never touched his wife, and in fact, started physical relations with men. It was disastrous for both families and the young couple separated. They were just 20," says Dr Gupta.

"Society needs to be more open; sex is both a physical and physiological need. The issue is almost always not just about sex; it is about sexuality."

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