Matchmakers help Parsis in spouse search

A matchmaking service for Parsis, dormant for some years, has started afresh. In August, after a gap of two years, 170 single Parsi men and women, aged between 20 and 50, gathered in Dadar for a party. They were brought together by the Mancherji Edalji Joshi Trust, a charitable institution, as part of a 14-year-old tradition famous in the community, now revived to address its shrinking numbers.

Another gathering will be held this month. There is a sense of urgency as each year in Mumbai, 800-1,000 Parsis die from a total population of less than 60,000 and half that number are born, according to Dinshah Mehta of the Bombay Parsi Panchayet. The Parsi gene pool is shrinking. One day, every Parsi could be related in some way, posing problems for intra-community marriages.

 One view to increase the population is the conservative view: “Marry within the community,” according to Ms Mithoo Jesia, secretary of the Mancherji Edalji Joshi Memorial Trust. The trust renders the matrimonial service for free.

So far, it has helped over 50 couples tie the knot either privately or through the gatherings. Jamshed and Kiyan Jesia were the first such couple. They married 14 years ago. Jamshed, an officer in the merchant navy, and Kiyan, a physiotherapist, have a 13-year-old son, Arzan.

The gatherings are not speed-dating dos, but mass parties designed to break the ice. There are games like ‘Passing the Parcel’ or remembering details of someone’s dress. There are more plans on the anvil: the revival of dancing evenings and “heavily chaperoned’ overnight picnics, Jesia said.

Attendees are also given matronly advice: Don’t make up your mind in the first meeting; meet six-seven times at least. Finding a life partner gets more difficult for Parsis if they are overage or divorced or single parents. But there are pleasant surprises. A divorced woman from Dubai, who had come to Mumbai, telephoned Jesia for “help”.

The same day, a divorced Parsi man from the United States, in search of a wife, called. They finally met and married in Mumbai. Jesia remembers them coming to her house with a packet of sweets, hand in hand.

For many young Parsis, there is pressure to marry. “Everybody questions you when is the due date,” said 30-year-old Binaifer Wadia (name changed on request), a professor who has registered with the service. Parsi girls are generally more educated than Parsi boys, said Mahiyar Dastoor, one of the members of the matchmaking service.

There is, he said, “a disparity between higher education (in boys and girls).” Wadia added that girls with higher degrees found it especially tough to find a partner.

The service also maintains profiles of each applicant in its files for prospective in-laws to inspect, and performs “background checks” on request.