Married to the extreme job

MUMBAI: Rajesh Chhabria and wife Rina live in the same apartment in Mumbai but only spend a few hours together on Sundays, thanks to long and demanding work schedules. Rajesh, a media professional, doesn’t mind being on his own, but chartered accountant Rina hates coming back to an empty house. The Chhabrias are on the verge of a divorce and they have a name for the villain of the piece — ‘extreme jobs’.      

Rahul Kulkarni thought he had found the solution to his extreme job situation - he acquired an ‘office spouse’, a female colleague with whom he spends almost 18 hours a day, goes on tours and gripes about the boss. When Suman, his harried banker wife, found out about it, they had a showdown. Then she started seeing someone at work as well. The estranged duo recently went on a patch-up vacation to Singapore, but it didn’t work. A separation looms.

The Chabbrias and the Kulkarnis could have been ideal respondents for a recent survey, published in the Harvard Business Review, on extreme jobs and how they affect the new workaholics, people who spend between 10 and 18 hours a day at work. The study found that 48 per cent of those surveyed work 16.6 hours more per week than they did five years ago.

Extreme jobs are commonplace in Mumbai and therapists say marriages and relationships are the biggest casualty. “Those who worked only eight hours a day till two years ago are now logging anywhere between 14 and 18 hours,” says psychologist Harish Shetty. “The number of couples with marital problems has, correspondingly, gone up. Clearly, there is a correlation.”

Relationship counsellor Ameeta Sanghavi-Shah seconds this. From five cases of marital conflict a month six years ago, she now gets anywhere between 10 and 15 in the same period. And most have an extramarital affair angle as well. “Every one of these people complains about a lack of time for each other and increased work pressure,” she says.

Long work and commuting hours make life miserable for couples, says Seema Hingorrany, a therapist. And technology, far from being a help, has made matters worse. “Not only are couples too physically and emotionally drained to relate to each other, talk or even have sex, they are constantly connected to the office via cellphones and computers,” she says.

Many companies are becoming sensitive to the issue. Some organise counsellors whom employees can visit confidentially, and others are trying to cut down the hours their people have to spend at work. But the general trend is to ignore the issue - and get employees to stretch those working hours longer still.