Arvind Kejriwal: Pehe AAP
Arvind Kejriwal's Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) had a heady political start. Kejriwal kept up the drama even after he became CM, quitting office in just 49 days. His repeated ode to honesty had people taking potshots at Mr Clean. The hashtag "Yokejriwalsohonest" comprises such gems:
Kejriwal is so honest that....
...he actually rolls on the floor laughing when he texts ROFL
...he always removes USB safely
...he only wears Peter England: The Honest Shirt
...he told his children how he met their mother in one minute
...he never wears VIP underwear and baniyan
That awkward moment when Arvind Kejriwal gives you a business card that says "nobody"
Why does Kejriwal not install antivirus in his computer?
Because he doesn't need any security.
Why did Kejriwal hand his memory card to the police?
Because it got corrupt.
Manmohan Singh: The sizzling sound of silence
It all all started with prime minister-in-exit Manmohan Singh, who maintained stoic silence as scam after scam unravelled and tarnished the image of his government. His perceived indecisiveness and helplessness got creative juices flowing, giving him monikers such as 'Dr Do Little' and 'Mummohan Singh'. But it was the jokes on Twitter and the Internet that brought a smile to even the most troubled brow:
New instruction before movie screenings: Keep your phone on 'Manmohan' mode; (read 'silent' ).
Sonia Gandhi: I m bored, send me a few jokes.
Manmohan Singh: Madam, I am in a Cabinet meeting taking a few decisions.
Sonia Gandhi: Ha Ha! Good one. Send me a few more
Title of Manmohan Singh's biography:
The Three Mistakes of my Life: 2G, 3G and Sonia G
The Three Mistakes of my Life:
2G, 3G and Sonia G
Irritated dentist tells the PM:
"At least now please open your mouth!"
Congress should change its symbol from a hand to a condom, because it more accurately reflects its political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Narendra Modi: NaMo ki bari
T he BJP's prime ministerial candidate was arguably the most visible face of Election 2014. His party's tagline 'Ab ki baar Modi sarkar' has provided ready fodder for memes and tweets across social networking sites. Twitterati had a field day parodying it:
* Twinkle twinkle little star, ab ki baar Modi sarkar
* Arvind ke paas hai Wagon R, ab ki baar Modi sarkar
* Salman ne kiya black buck ka shikaar, ab ki baar Modi sarkar
* Dekha jo tujhe yaar, dil main baji guitar, ab ki baar Modi sarkar
* Chutney ke bina dhokla hai bekaar, ab ki baar Modi sarkar
Then, here's a variation of a popular joke with Modi, Manmohan, Aishwarya Rai and Sonia Gandhi, that's been doing the rounds of Facebook:
Once, it goes, Modiji, Manmohanji, Aishwarya Rai and Soniaji are sitting in a train.
The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap.
The train comes out of the tunnel. Both women and Manmohanji are sitting there looking perplexed, while Modiji is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
Nobody says anything
Soniaji is thinking: "The world is all crazy about Aishwarya. Modi must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him."
Aishwarya is thinking: "Modiji must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Soniaji instead and got slapped."
Modiji is thinking: "Damn it, Manmohanji must have tried to kiss Soniaji, she must have thought it was me and slapped my face."
Manmohanji is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Modiji again."
Going gaga over RaGa
The Congress vice-president and party president Sonia Gandhi's son has been the butt of many joke. According to Google trends, the second most searched term when it comes to Rahul Gandhi is "jokes". And the most searched term is "interview", a reference to his interview with Times Now that gave the humour mills enough grist.
Sonia: How was the interview?
RaGa: [hugs her and cries] Mommy, all the questions were out of syllabus.
If RaGa becomes PM, the red beacon that he'll get for his vehicle will be called "LOL batti"
Didi on a roll
The West Bengal chief minister has always been a favourite with jokesters for her unpredictable temper, Bong accent and intolerance for anyone who criticises her and her government.
* Why did Mamata Banerjee cross the road? To see if the chicken was making fun of her
* Mamata declares The Dark Knight tax-free because the joker dies.
The outspoken actress and item girl decided to grab media attention by starting a political party and contesting the elections got her share of jokes.
*Rakhi Sawant to contest elections from Mumbai. Mallika Sherawat, in keeping with her stature, will run for the US President's job.
*What will happen if Bipasha Basu, Mallika Sherawat, Neha Dupia, Rakhi Sawant contest elections In India? Politics will become transparent
Not so funny, Mr Minister
From the run-up to the election to campaign speeches, we have had many statements from leaders across the spectrum this general election that have ranged from the misinformed to the downright offensive.
RaGa on Muzaffarnagar riot victims
...people from the Pakistan intelligence agencies are starting to talk to surviving victims of Muzaffarnagar.
Mulayam Singh on rape laws
...rape accused should not be hanged. Men make mistakes... Handing death sentence for rape is not fair... boys make mistakes... there will be changes in the law if we come to powe.
BJPs Giriraj Singh opposition to Narendra Modi
"Those opposing Narendra Modi are looking at Pakistan, and such people will have place in Pakistan and not in India."
10 reasons why South Mumbai doesn't vote, enthusiastically
10 Clashed with Salsa class
9 Election whites not drycleaned
8 No candidate a hottie
7 Tony Jethmalani contesting from suburbs. Sigh
6 No valet parking at booth
5 Spotted servant in queue ahead of us
4 Driver not come
3 Elections over dude, Obama won!
2 No party tackline real issues, eg, reduce Gold Gym rates
1 No home delivery!